deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Rise of the Curtain
I willed myself to be still
I knew that my heart belonged in these arms
Yet my voice promised it to another
I convinced myself that I deserved at least one night
To be his alone
Nothing worse than a liar with a guilty conscious
The sunrise brought the beginning of Act 1
The inaugural performance of dedicated lover
Though my soul was intertwined with the one who'd accompanied my dress rehearsal
Never wanted to be the cause of a broken heart, so I became the bearer of one
Surrendered my future for his heart's reprieve
Now at the end of this play
I stood on stage alone
Apparently the stand-in was a better actor than the star
I knew that my heart belonged in these arms
Yet my voice promised it to another
I convinced myself that I deserved at least one night
To be his alone
Nothing worse than a liar with a guilty conscious
The sunrise brought the beginning of Act 1
The inaugural performance of dedicated lover
Though my soul was intertwined with the one who'd accompanied my dress rehearsal
Never wanted to be the cause of a broken heart, so I became the bearer of one
Surrendered my future for his heart's reprieve
Now at the end of this play
I stood on stage alone
Apparently the stand-in was a better actor than the star
Published 14th Nov 2015
| Edited 15th Nov 2015
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Nov 2015 4:09am
hullo
grand job here, lady. good the way you've incorporated the curtain and play into the stanzas
I don't think 'it's occupancy' works for you here, ' promised it to another ' sounds more honest without it.
couple of -ing words may need changing to keep the poem in the past tense
'not wanting - didn't want' 'surrendering - surrendered ' ...just suggestions
anyhow, good stuff, Lady
fair paly
grand job here, lady. good the way you've incorporated the curtain and play into the stanzas
I don't think 'it's occupancy' works for you here, ' promised it to another ' sounds more honest without it.
couple of -ing words may need changing to keep the poem in the past tense
'not wanting - didn't want' 'surrendering - surrendered ' ...just suggestions
anyhow, good stuff, Lady
fair paly
15th Nov 2015 4:37am
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Constructive criticism is exactly what I've been looking for and it is greatly appreciated.
