deepundergroundpoetry.com
Walker
It astounds;
emitting from the quiet hills
And I know
I am not ready,
In the grassy marsh,
I sense your elegance following me
Your frail spine, still lingering in
the wooden framework of my opened door.
Walking here has always burned me,
On occasion I wander past your foolish name,
Questions spill like pennies from my mind
morphed into some wishing filled trough.
In the waters I can feel your thirst drowning me
Sun-flowered and soothing like a beating heart,
Our infections together become sweet clever disguises
This open wound where only pain will muddle
The taste is life metallic
Our prayers from the grave
The final sentence weeping
as we leave here riddled.
Published 20th Oct 2015
| Edited 21st Oct 2015
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20th Oct 2015 9:31pm
Questions spill like pennies from my mind
Stunning imagery that is carried through well with the
metallic reference in the final stanza.
It's a melancholy piece akin to visiting a grave.
Stunning imagery that is carried through well with the
metallic reference in the final stanza.
It's a melancholy piece akin to visiting a grave.
21st Oct 2015 1:37am
Thanks A. A grave poem indeed and written in the pause of mental/emotional meditations along the realtionship of time and living death. Walker in the footprints of life and death; qestions and shadows I've expereinced. So glad you enjoyed~
Anonymous
- Edited 20th Oct 2015 9:55pm
20th Oct 2015 9:50pm
There's some choice imagery in here. I think I like the second to last stanza best, that's actually rather beautiful. I like the way the images connect to the title. "Walker". Very appropriate.
A few constructive thoughts:
I'm thinking maybe a full stop after "opened door" just because it would make the next line a more stand alone statement. Similarly another after "trough". I think a couple could be introduced to add some diction. That's just what my voice does when I read it out loud (I always read your poems out loud to get the most from them)
When you wonder past the name, I questioned if that should be wander?
My other thought was "sweet clever disguises" - the word sweet seems a little redundant and the line could probably do without it.
I did enjoy the walk, wherever it may go :)
Thanks for the read
A few constructive thoughts:
I'm thinking maybe a full stop after "opened door" just because it would make the next line a more stand alone statement. Similarly another after "trough". I think a couple could be introduced to add some diction. That's just what my voice does when I read it out loud (I always read your poems out loud to get the most from them)
When you wonder past the name, I questioned if that should be wander?
My other thought was "sweet clever disguises" - the word sweet seems a little redundant and the line could probably do without it.
I did enjoy the walk, wherever it may go :)
Thanks for the read
21st Oct 2015 1:28am
Great catch on wonder as it was meant to be wander but you know me and typos..lol. The rest i will "ponder" and thanks ...wonderful input as always England~
21st Oct 2015 00:32am
I love your the way you have woven clever similes and unusual metaphors into the fabric of your verses to such a natural effect. Beautifully done - I liked it.
21st Oct 2015 1:43am
Thanks so much...some nights just naturally call for these unususal weaves so grateful to have your input in taking the time and noticing.
11th Nov 2015 4:26am
