deepundergroundpoetry.com
Clarity To Music
Life is music, keeps me lucid.
Singing a long, to good song.
Follow to dedicate, head-rock and celebrate.
Ear drums vibrates, fist-up to liberate.
Power to mentality, repeat for clarity!!!
Singing a long, to good song.
Follow to dedicate, head-rock and celebrate.
Ear drums vibrates, fist-up to liberate.
Power to mentality, repeat for clarity!!!
Published 11th Oct 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 2
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th Oct 2015 3:03am
I really like your word choices and combinations - I think it's vivid, lively writing.
14th Oct 2015 12:10pm
Ohh Welcome to "The DU"
Well I'm fairly impressed with your first piece.
It has an air of freedom to it
If I was going to offer honest critique, I'd ask these questions.
1) Why did you choose to over punctuate the last line, by adding 3 exclamation marks rather than 1 that show it's a statement?
2) In the second line, "to good song", is their a reason to not keep the flow of the first half of the line? eg. "Singing a long, to a good song."
3) Is there a more substantiated adjective that we could use for the word "good" like a "memorable song", "Rock 'n Roll Song", "everlasting song"?
4) In line three is there a reason to double the plurals. Could it be "Ear drums vibrate" or "Ear drum vibrates"?
These are only questions, and i do hope they are helpful to you. Well done, lovely first write, and good to have you here!
Much Love
Al
;)
Well I'm fairly impressed with your first piece.
It has an air of freedom to it
If I was going to offer honest critique, I'd ask these questions.
1) Why did you choose to over punctuate the last line, by adding 3 exclamation marks rather than 1 that show it's a statement?
2) In the second line, "to good song", is their a reason to not keep the flow of the first half of the line? eg. "Singing a long, to a good song."
3) Is there a more substantiated adjective that we could use for the word "good" like a "memorable song", "Rock 'n Roll Song", "everlasting song"?
4) In line three is there a reason to double the plurals. Could it be "Ear drums vibrate" or "Ear drum vibrates"?
These are only questions, and i do hope they are helpful to you. Well done, lovely first write, and good to have you here!
Much Love
Al
;)
