deepundergroundpoetry.com
falling card
smirk signals
release, zipper
divides, slow
caress turns to
muscled veins,
beats like a
heart. lips
lower, tastes
warm, like
silk, she says.
glides up the under-
side, kisses
end, then pushes
inside. tongue
works in circles and
pulls me deeper,
nerves on end,
minutes into
seconds. hand wrings
softly, symbiotic
swirling of opposites.
pumping is
dangerous this close
to the edge, but not before
crystalline eyes and an
expert's motion send me
over. thick, white
ropes my falling card,
which she takes in,
beside myself, as am I.
Published 28th Sep 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 7
reads 771
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Sep 2015 8:08pm
Gorgeous erotic progression. Movement into falling card climax.
You know doll, id take out the comas be prettier and the pause suggested by them as a beat unwanted i thinl? Say it out loud with the pause they suggest. Movement in this is too perfect and important.
Love the veeeery begining. Smirk signals neaning and play on words got! Realeased zipper, watch out hes bringin it out.....its down
Great job. Great comments on crims piece btw. I enjoy reading the comments as much as some of the poemn. Best male erotica writer down here i. My op...magicalmrm check
💋J
You know doll, id take out the comas be prettier and the pause suggested by them as a beat unwanted i thinl? Say it out loud with the pause they suggest. Movement in this is too perfect and important.
Love the veeeery begining. Smirk signals neaning and play on words got! Realeased zipper, watch out hes bringin it out.....its down
Great job. Great comments on crims piece btw. I enjoy reading the comments as much as some of the poemn. Best male erotica writer down here i. My op...magicalmrm check
💋J
28th Sep 2015 8:26pm
thank you so much, jennifer! i will look to see if any of the commas can be removed, but i just use them to separate each "action" in the poem. i was considering writing it as one long, run-on sentence. i will go check his work out as well, thank you for pointing me in the direction of all these talented writers (:
28th Sep 2015 11:11pm
Told you they were awesome writers, and that they would reciprocate your gesture. See Crim and Scooter here. Great start. Great regardless Stag.
28th Sep 2015 9:05pm
beautiful tantalizing erotic progression to climax so skillfully done..
with love Crimsin
with love Crimsin
29th Sep 2015 1:03pm
Anonymous
28th Sep 2015 9:32pm
You rolled with what was there to roll with, and took it any way you could with some helpful help, you reached and claimed the prize. Nice work
29th Sep 2015 1:04pm
thank you, jerry, sometimes that's all you can do, especially in this case, haha.
