deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Pathways of London
Narrow, unpaved streets and pressed flesh
These are the pathways of London
Both mind and town need a refresh
Narrow, unpaved streets and pressed flesh
Jointly, gears with other gears, mesh
Buildings line the streets of London
Narrow, unpaved streets and pressed flesh
These are the pathways of London
This is another triolet. I would love for someone to tell me if they think it makes sense, because I am going to be using it to establish the setting of a part in my short story.
These are the pathways of London
Both mind and town need a refresh
Narrow, unpaved streets and pressed flesh
Jointly, gears with other gears, mesh
Buildings line the streets of London
Narrow, unpaved streets and pressed flesh
These are the pathways of London
This is another triolet. I would love for someone to tell me if they think it makes sense, because I am going to be using it to establish the setting of a part in my short story.
Published 27th Sep 2015
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likes 6
reading list entries 1
comments 7
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Sep 2015 8:13am
Having visited London, this works for me. Reminds me of many famous European novelists.
1st Oct 2015 4:12am
Wonderful! I am glad to hear that.
Thank you so much, Jazz!
Hope all is well with you.
May Mother Earth guide and let the elements be with you.
Merry Cheers!!!
- Jessica Dawn
Thank you so much, Jazz!
Hope all is well with you.
May Mother Earth guide and let the elements be with you.
Merry Cheers!!!
- Jessica Dawn
28th Sep 2015 7:40pm
While I'm not very familiar with the style I think perhaps you could do without the last 'narrow unpaved...' line. I think It would improve the diction and rhythm. But again I'm not familiar with the style. Great imagery though. The word choice was beautiful.
Well thank you! I am glad to know you liked it.
I see what you mean. It does sound repetitive. In triolets, lines 1,4, and 7 have to be the same and lines 2 and 8 have to be the same. Why, I am not really sure, because I think that when you only have eight lines, you shouldn't be repetitive. I agree with you actually.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Dear!
Hope all is well.
May Mother Earth guide and let the elements be with you.
Merry Cheers!!!
- Jessica Dawn
I see what you mean. It does sound repetitive. In triolets, lines 1,4, and 7 have to be the same and lines 2 and 8 have to be the same. Why, I am not really sure, because I think that when you only have eight lines, you shouldn't be repetitive. I agree with you actually.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Dear!
Hope all is well.
May Mother Earth guide and let the elements be with you.
Merry Cheers!!!
- Jessica Dawn
13th Nov 2015 11:40am
O.k. if u look for writing hot stories u may find it fruitsome if u try maximal utilization of sylepsis
13th Nov 2015 11:45am
21st Jan 2017 9:52pm
