deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tapestry
I slow in green this tapestry
Laden cold
A place of thickets
not far from darkness
Not nearer than blue
But a wandering
A shifting subtle maze
Yellowing doors
and answers in every death
And here a pact of rain
It took me in
Told me of loneliness and the alter of sun
The green and shoulders of God
Here is where I slept
inside this emerging tapestry
A note among the stars
Locks entwined with wind
And you
The only warmth in truth
there ever was.
© 2015 Perditio
Laden cold
A place of thickets
not far from darkness
Not nearer than blue
But a wandering
A shifting subtle maze
Yellowing doors
and answers in every death
And here a pact of rain
It took me in
Told me of loneliness and the alter of sun
The green and shoulders of God
Here is where I slept
inside this emerging tapestry
A note among the stars
Locks entwined with wind
And you
The only warmth in truth
there ever was.
© 2015 Perditio
Published 25th Sep 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Sep 2015 7:34am
Gotta say, absolutely loving the way you wrote: like "A" universe. Thank you Ahavati~
Anonymous
25th Sep 2015 3:11pm
"I slow in green this tapestry
Laden cold
A place of thickets
not far from darkness
Not nearer than blue
But a wandering" - You've got some good scenic imagery going on here. I like the definition here between the two colours, the green and the blue, suggesting a very earthy image here. This mingles will with the darker imagery; the coverings and the thickets that hide the reader as well as the writer. The last line suggests a certain vulnerability to the solitude, which I actually quite liked.
"A shifting subtle maze
Yellowing doors
and answers in every death" - the yellowing doors is yet another color. This flows on effortlessly from the greens and blues and shows a passing of seasons. As for the next few, lines, well, they're about Molly aren't they...
"And here a pact of rain
It took me in
Told me of loneliness and the alter of sun
The green and shoulders of God" - This is the diminuendo of the poem, and it takes us down to a place of comfort. The idea of a pact of rain is actually rather lovely. It feels like you're embracing it here and this again, shows a vulnerability. Repetition of the color green here. I don't know. Green must be the flavor of the month for writers or something.
"Here is where I slept
inside this emerging tapestry
A note among the stars
Locks entwined with wind
And you
The only warmth in truth
teherever was." - I love the idea of an emerging tapestry, and this is probably why I never have the patience to sit and actually stitch one, because I'm too eager to know what the finished product will look like. It's a sad ending. You also have a spelling mistake to fix in the last line there.
As a theme. I like the flow of colors. Almost like the very silks of the tapestry itself. Not the best of you that I have ever read, but this one comes across as slightly more sensitive which is a side I haven't really read from you before, and I kinda like it.
Thanks for the read, America.
Laden cold
A place of thickets
not far from darkness
Not nearer than blue
But a wandering" - You've got some good scenic imagery going on here. I like the definition here between the two colours, the green and the blue, suggesting a very earthy image here. This mingles will with the darker imagery; the coverings and the thickets that hide the reader as well as the writer. The last line suggests a certain vulnerability to the solitude, which I actually quite liked.
"A shifting subtle maze
Yellowing doors
and answers in every death" - the yellowing doors is yet another color. This flows on effortlessly from the greens and blues and shows a passing of seasons. As for the next few, lines, well, they're about Molly aren't they...
"And here a pact of rain
It took me in
Told me of loneliness and the alter of sun
The green and shoulders of God" - This is the diminuendo of the poem, and it takes us down to a place of comfort. The idea of a pact of rain is actually rather lovely. It feels like you're embracing it here and this again, shows a vulnerability. Repetition of the color green here. I don't know. Green must be the flavor of the month for writers or something.
"Here is where I slept
inside this emerging tapestry
A note among the stars
Locks entwined with wind
And you
The only warmth in truth
teherever was." - I love the idea of an emerging tapestry, and this is probably why I never have the patience to sit and actually stitch one, because I'm too eager to know what the finished product will look like. It's a sad ending. You also have a spelling mistake to fix in the last line there.
As a theme. I like the flow of colors. Almost like the very silks of the tapestry itself. Not the best of you that I have ever read, but this one comes across as slightly more sensitive which is a side I haven't really read from you before, and I kinda like it.
Thanks for the read, America.
Molly? Nope, "homeless days and the first of poems written that we both tried to remember . This isn't that poem but I remembered that moment and the pact with rain. I remember the colors of emotions I was experiencing that moment within my life. I was only 17 and had so much still ahead of me to experience. Thank you England and DEAR GOD do you ever put your back into your reviews. SHEESH! You must have quite a few grateful poets out there reading the details of your intricate eye. Well, count me among the grateful and I think we both know that I'm still not getting any new keyboard ..but I will change the batteries in honor of this effort. WOW!
Anonymous
25th Sep 2015 9:33pm
I put effort into reviews for people I know will appreciate it... and besides, yesterday you were trying to make my audio better (which I practised a little today on here), so gotta give back a little every now and then, heh. I will consider the batteries a token of thanks, even though that keyboard still needs burning with FIRE.
26th Sep 2015 4:23am
Well I am a kind forgiver and WILL kill anyman that says differently so there is that ! In spades you have returned the
karma and favors Missy ins Spades so back at ya, And thank you for all~
karma and favors Missy ins Spades so back at ya, And thank you for all~
