on love and locker rooms

In your head, all day, his music.
His face, that sad high note.
The doctor tugs at my belt, diseases
falling from his lips like perfect girls.
Says my body can't help but react.
Long for it all you want, a life in which
you don't feel this softened torment.
After school I throw my panties in the bushes.
On the swing turn my head to watch us fuck.
Midnight and bodies keep falling from the trees,
my father's kisses tasting of apple pie and appetites.
I'll sate myself with too much porn and plastic boats.
Learn to let it ease inside me like I yearn
to straddle you as your hands caress the keys.
Ask yourself how far you're willing to take it.
Hard to stay focused on the plot
when you're so lost in him.
Just a look and he'll draw it out of you.
Try anything to dilute the concentration of him in your blood.
You'll need a rope to climb out with when it's over.
Solitude, your bedroom, a pillow you can clutch
to scream it all out. Trust me, you'll learn one day.
Always a reason not to walk to the shed at midnight.
Always a reason for him not to love.