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introducing his lover to his mother
.......
dressing his lover
in storm clouds and rose thorns
then entering her
is his mid-life obsession
remembering mother
so young then, her red mouth
and black slip
always smoking or laughing
her voice low, hands busy
wanting her
and not knowing how
became is teenage world
screaming face to face
smoking her cigarettes
he left home at seventeen
with a red plastic bag
balloning with his mother's things
he takes his lover to the deepest bar
and makes her smoke cigarettes
throwing the butts on the floor
in the bathroom he kisses her lips
until her lips are smeared with their desire
returning to the booth, he takes out an
old echo scarf, ties her wrists together
feeds her drinks and fingers
then whips off her panties
they move slow in the middle of the bar
the music forgotten
he unzips her dress
he says: tomorrow
we dye your hair dark
she would shake her head yes
but his grip is too tight
and her will is weak
she has always craved
to be someone else
and now the universe has answered her.
dressing his lover
in storm clouds and rose thorns
then entering her
is his mid-life obsession
remembering mother
so young then, her red mouth
and black slip
always smoking or laughing
her voice low, hands busy
wanting her
and not knowing how
became is teenage world
screaming face to face
smoking her cigarettes
he left home at seventeen
with a red plastic bag
balloning with his mother's things
he takes his lover to the deepest bar
and makes her smoke cigarettes
throwing the butts on the floor
in the bathroom he kisses her lips
until her lips are smeared with their desire
returning to the booth, he takes out an
old echo scarf, ties her wrists together
feeds her drinks and fingers
then whips off her panties
they move slow in the middle of the bar
the music forgotten
he unzips her dress
he says: tomorrow
we dye your hair dark
she would shake her head yes
but his grip is too tight
and her will is weak
she has always craved
to be someone else
and now the universe has answered her.
Published 30th Aug 2015
| Edited 2nd Sep 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 14
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30th Aug 2015 7:07pm
a brilliant write on fetishes with some real poetic gems laced throughout..
with love Brenda
with love Brenda
Anonymous
30th Aug 2015 10:40pm
<< post removed >>
31st Aug 2015 11:13pm
31st Aug 2015 11:45pm
31st Aug 2015 11:46pm
Hey Gabe: Yes the ending...sometimes we manifest our deepest desires, good or bad. Thank you
31st Aug 2015 11:46pm
an interesting read shauna...I feel it would work really well in a short story as well...if you're into writing them...
love the opening stanza...
'dressing his lover
in storm clouds and rose thorns
then entering her
is his mid-life obsession'
last line, may I suggest 'and now the universe has provided' for a better flow
in the following line, may i suggest (if its not based on true events) that you replace 'blonde' with 'dark' for the flow...
'he says: tomorrow
we dye your hair blonde'
1st Sep 2015 1:12pm
ohhhh my goodness, miss shauna; this is a marvel indeed. you certainly know how to w[h]et & thrill the synapses
you must forgive my prolix that follows, i am absolutely taken with this work of yours & tend to get carried away when excited ltm
*
i love the textures herein, the layers upon layers steeped in regression & [mayhap] resentment of the gentleman protagonist...
"is his mid-life obsession
remembering mother
so young then, her red mouth
and black slip
always smoking or laughing
her voice low, hands busy
wanting her
and not knowing how"
^^^^^^
aaahhhh, the oedipus in the room; properly greeted at last *grins*
... this must be the embodiment of psychosexual development theories [freud would get his rocks off right there]
*
also beautiful brenda's comment about fetishes.... i thought particularly of dollification ...
"she would shake her head yes
but his grip is too tight
and her will is weak
she has always craved
to be someone else"
... it does make one wonder about the evolution of paraphiliae & how they go from harmless -> obsessive
//
i shall stop myself there before writing a thesis lol
thoroughly enjoyed this piece; merci for a brilliant read
xoxox
~ k
you must forgive my prolix that follows, i am absolutely taken with this work of yours & tend to get carried away when excited ltm
*
i love the textures herein, the layers upon layers steeped in regression & [mayhap] resentment of the gentleman protagonist...
"is his mid-life obsession
remembering mother
so young then, her red mouth
and black slip
always smoking or laughing
her voice low, hands busy
wanting her
and not knowing how"
^^^^^^
aaahhhh, the oedipus in the room; properly greeted at last *grins*
... this must be the embodiment of psychosexual development theories [freud would get his rocks off right there]
*
also beautiful brenda's comment about fetishes.... i thought particularly of dollification ...
"she would shake her head yes
but his grip is too tight
and her will is weak
she has always craved
to be someone else"
... it does make one wonder about the evolution of paraphiliae & how they go from harmless -> obsessive
//
i shall stop myself there before writing a thesis lol
thoroughly enjoyed this piece; merci for a brilliant read
xoxox
~ k
1st Sep 2015 5:30pm
hi kate: love the idea of a short story, very interested in writing short stories. yes...originally the L was tomorrow we dye your hair black..ty for this
critique. shauna
critique. shauna
1st Sep 2015 5:38pm
hi shadoe: thank you [soft bow] for your beautifully insightful read and critique of this poem....what a gift this tuesday morning. you've hit every nail on it's welcoming head... oedipus did inform this poem...and yes the "dollification".. that word is sending me into O spasms. I'm obsessed with psychosexual writings. TY. shauna.
1st Sep 2015 5:57pm
so rich... and i agree with the others , you need to do some stories, long short... you got me feening lol...
1st Sep 2015 10:55pm
somehow you're drawing me back to Bates Motel. it's a pleasantly disturbing episode...
1st Sep 2015 11:02pm
1st Sep 2015 11:03pm
