deepundergroundpoetry.com
Flat
*Entry for Summertime Sadness Competition*
~
You've lost your taste.
Too much of my coffee
or too many breaths
of midnight on the sand;
I'm afraid it's true -
you've simply gone bland.
You've lost your spice.
Once it crackled
under the skin
of my face, but no more;
I'm afraid I may
be getting bored.
I want the kick
that you don't have -
to feel dead-sick,
to step in half -
I'll let you sink
(I'm fine with that)
but I just won't drink
if the love is flat.
~
Age when written: 16
~
You've lost your taste.
Too much of my coffee
or too many breaths
of midnight on the sand;
I'm afraid it's true -
you've simply gone bland.
You've lost your spice.
Once it crackled
under the skin
of my face, but no more;
I'm afraid I may
be getting bored.
I want the kick
that you don't have -
to feel dead-sick,
to step in half -
I'll let you sink
(I'm fine with that)
but I just won't drink
if the love is flat.
~
Age when written: 16
Published 9th Aug 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Aug 2015 3:56am
13th Aug 2015 10:27am
This is great, sore for the reader if read by the intended however all in all you took the less used path of the two options in the comp. I came here searching for your Movie Comp poem, stumbled across this instead. I like the use of coffee as a strong taste, like a smoker the taste is lost.
'I want the kick
that you don't have -
to feel dead-sick,
to step in half -' Superb line.
'I want the kick
that you don't have -
to feel dead-sick,
to step in half -' Superb line.
14th Aug 2015 2:13am
Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it! I'll be posting the ferris bueller poem soon. School just started up again for me so being active is gonna be hard.
