Clarity clarified

Im all alone  with nothing but my thoughts
We all know what thinking can do
Damage ..they say I have issues
Ha that's funny I HAVE FUCKING SUBSCRIPTIONS...
The doctors say they have just the prescriptions
But no I'd rather be cognitive
With an occasional side of dillusion
Than a drooling live veggie tale
I'm no fucking fairy tale
Maybe by Grimm ..
I am not too broken to check my intensity
To test my abiliy mentally
I'm taken with sobriety
My love affair with pain
My undeniable attraction to only
The ones who will hurt me
Never bring me flowers
Unless they're being unfaithful
My life is riddled with holes
Shrapnel from emotional warfare
I'm a post traumatic stress disorder
Poster child case severe no prisoners of war sanctioned here
.My mind a mere shadow of the brilliance that once inhabited this mental state
So you want reasoning
Behind my hatred well stand up
Be assailed by the realities bite
Our sad weak countries plite
Another sad excuse for societies
Uncelebrated recently annihilated
Soldiers , born of mothers bodies
Blood sweat and tears, falling victims to all our worst fears
Currently serving life sentences
In a forced regime ,yes so go die for oil
Not freedom red white and blue
Nope your number given at birth sold into slavery while still in diapers
Too bad we haven't trained more snipers
We all March to destruction
No promises just desire and pride
Lead me to temptation
I repent only for redemption
Bow my head I begin to pray
For clarity of thought and
A  stronger insight
As I struggle just to simply love right