This Life

I fucking detest every second
Stained in mucus, saliva, tears and blood
Between those moments of stalwart resolution
Where you stiffen up and shut all emotions off
But that doesn't last does it
...
Straightening up and drying eyes
The stiff upper lip attitude
Nothing can break what's broken after all
Just sway, just sway, just fucking sway
It will be alright
Nothing's wrong!
You feel nothing
Remember this
And you're trying to remember it
I feel nothing?
I'm sure that was true for a while
But my breathing is irregular
I'm laughing
But it's not funny at all
It's just chaotic
Breath after breath, panting like a dog
Making squeaking noises
Staring at a phone
Listening to my downfall on youtube
Smoking weed off a black metal cd case
A taste of another sleepless night on my tongue
Hands just randomly typing
gotta keep writing
No more fighting
I'm fucking dying!
Yee'hawww motherfucker
Wondering what the point is
Bounce, sway, type, smoke, the suns up, another day
It's ok if it's never ok
The light, morning bright, I have to sleep through this
hibernate and hide the hate
More like, lay awake and like that stay
Walls covered in blood
Sheets just the same
wrists all exposed
We're one great big stain
Is it a shame?
Weak?
Haha, ok
As if I care any more
About anything to do with normality
It's all falling apart anyway
Back to the same old shit
for every other day
But there's nothing to break it up
Depressing insomnia
restless thoughts
But we have to carry on don't we?
For something, someone
Though we wish we were free
I'll cling to something I know is gone
Just to bring it comfort if I can
And I will hate myself for it
If I last that is
Between which
For all I know I'll kill shit
Just to forget the one thing that kept me here
It wouldn't be a first
When I was young
I would write
put me down
And I didn't want to be insulted
Just slaughtered
So I could still fight for what I loved
Yet die regardless
And now I wish the same
Isn't that a shame
Now I wish the shame
I guess fuck all really changed