deepundergroundpoetry.com
But The Kids Behaved
Legs folded
head bent
staring at the grass
Women [and some men]
but mostly woman
were dropping wine from glasses
spilling droplets in the
lawn
The blades [and some seeds]
but mostly blades
where standing
dancing
like erect pubic hair
meeting static
for the first
tech-not-ic
time
As a drop spilled,
drifting
down-wards
toward
grav-it-a-tion
z-e-r-o
the blades pouted
straight necks
towards the heavens
like
baby birds
waiting for mother
with the first
bloodied
worm
-x-.
Published 29th Jul 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 897
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st Jul 2015 3:42am
postine w/a thankful grin ;)
You are a powerful shiny metaphor & I'm gonna share what I got from, please ding me if I've over-read(& sorries, just in case)
what grasped me was this.."tech-not-ic".. the word means bundles of pain & trauma to me, having a relative(female) with spinal tumors/ back cancer & the similarities of the sprouted tumors magnified closely, look so much like the grassy images you paint here.. so, was my first thought here..
hugs to any going through similar events.
and grav-it-a-tion z-e-r-o corresponds in my head w/ur title of kids behaving, as was in the cartoon...
excellent, award-wining poetry, greatly expressed, <~ muchly
hugs sweetie,
~d
You are a powerful shiny metaphor & I'm gonna share what I got from, please ding me if I've over-read(& sorries, just in case)
what grasped me was this.."tech-not-ic".. the word means bundles of pain & trauma to me, having a relative(female) with spinal tumors/ back cancer & the similarities of the sprouted tumors magnified closely, look so much like the grassy images you paint here.. so, was my first thought here..
hugs to any going through similar events.
and grav-it-a-tion z-e-r-o corresponds in my head w/ur title of kids behaving, as was in the cartoon...
excellent, award-wining poetry, greatly expressed, <~ muchly
hugs sweetie,
~d
31st Jul 2015 2:00pm
smiles & happiness
What a delightful comment, mostly because you have definitely read the poem as I wrote it, I love that!
Thank you for all the compliments dahlin'
Al -x-
What a delightful comment, mostly because you have definitely read the poem as I wrote it, I love that!
Thank you for all the compliments dahlin'
Al -x-
13th Oct 2015 11:17am
Metaphorical brilliance! There's an evolution to this I can't quite describe but the visual transitions are seamless; and your delivery is wonderful.
I tend to flat line and go monotone when I read a piece out loud; I'm certainly going to mark your work for reference.
I tend to flat line and go monotone when I read a piece out loud; I'm certainly going to mark your work for reference.
14th Oct 2015 7:51am
You, are more than welcome to reference anything I have done at any time you choose.
Thank YOU for the opportunity to be placed in your library (twice in one day)
Your visits and comments are STELLAR!
Al
Thank YOU for the opportunity to be placed in your library (twice in one day)
Your visits and comments are STELLAR!
Al
baby birds
waiting for mother
with the first
bloodied
worm
You nailed this one.
p.s. - your reading is phenomenal.
waiting for mother
with the first
bloodied
worm
You nailed this one.
p.s. - your reading is phenomenal.
14th Oct 2015 7:51am
14th Oct 2015 6:43pm
14th Oct 2015 5:35pm
