deepundergroundpoetry.com
Where I Stand in the Universe
Sometimes I look up into the sky
And gaze at the stars
And see their peace
Instead of looking down
At my feet
And see my unrest
And gaze at the stars
And see their peace
Instead of looking down
At my feet
And see my unrest
Published 25th Jul 2015
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The author encourages honest critique.
25th Jul 2015 7:26pm
Looking at the stars (or at least keeping your head in the clouds) is the way to go. Focusing on your feet is a good way to get tripped up spiritually. I'm glad you found your place in the cosmos DPW. Great job!
28th Jul 2015 3:21pm
26th Jul 2015 2:24am
Simple but very powerful. I feel the same way frequently. My only suggestion would be to use "to see" instead of "and see" in the third line to be slightly less repetitive. Plus, it would distinguish that experience from the experiencing of looking down at your feet in the end. Just a thought.
28th Jul 2015 3:22pm
Thank you for your critique and suggestion. I could see how it would make the difference and add variety to the words. It's nice to get that kind of feedback.
30th Jul 2015 00:11am
31st Jul 2015 3:21pm
"Unrest, sunset" This just blew my mind! If you were a girl I would fuck you! Hahaha no seriously. I love that.
