deepundergroundpoetry.com
Can You Hear Me?
If I could
I would sing this song for you
Sending you these words
And you can hear my voice
And my voice touches you
In the most gentle
And perverted ways
We can conjure together
In our ballroom of fantasy
Where our sounds explore our dark secrets
And light our way
To a new found reality
And my voice will go with you
Led by the notes
From this song
Sung for you
I would sing this song for you
Sending you these words
And you can hear my voice
And my voice touches you
In the most gentle
And perverted ways
We can conjure together
In our ballroom of fantasy
Where our sounds explore our dark secrets
And light our way
To a new found reality
And my voice will go with you
Led by the notes
From this song
Sung for you
Published 21st Jul 2015
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likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 8
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The author encourages honest critique.
21st Jul 2015 2:33pm
nice work
love these lines:
We can conjure together
In our ballroom of fantasy
I hear your song...
love these lines:
We can conjure together
In our ballroom of fantasy
I hear your song...
21st Jul 2015 9:50pm
21st Jul 2015 6:16pm
"And my voice touches you / In the most gentle / And perverted ways." That's the only hint at deviation here, with the rest sounding like almost pure romance. You just had to slip that in didn't you, sly dog? But I seriously enjoyed this and was touched. Excellent work DPW. I think it would make a fine song.
21st Jul 2015 9:51pm
Haha. Yeah, I did slip that in. But it really needed it, don't you think? Otherwise too many pretty words makes for a bland salad.
29th Jul 2015 11:42pm
I agree with Crowfly, a well placed slice of nitty gritty makes a pretty piece beautiful. Makes it full. Fine,subtle work. Would be good as a bluesy love song, kind of a Mark Cohn sound.
31st Jul 2015 3:13pm
Thank you Loki for your thoughtful comments. And I agree as well. The little bit of grit elevates this piece.
11th Aug 2015 6:19pm
This is beautifully riveting, yet simple but
undeniably felt. Lucky lady..
undeniably felt. Lucky lady..
11th Aug 2015 10:11pm
Thank you Howling...nice to see your voice. I enjoyed this piece like you. Simple and clear.
