Sometimes

sometimes
you do something that later you regret.
wild nights of drinking and drugs float in and out of my memory,
lips and hands everywhere feeling my skin, smoothing my clothes.

sometimes
you do something that you didnt expect
quiet nights with bacardi 151, a bong, and the comforting flicker of a lighter
suddenly your eyes are closed and the condom wrapper is being opened

sometimes
you dont like what happened, though youre not entire sure what it was.
your body feels dirty, you want to erase the memory of his touch.
but why? it was consentual.. wasnt it?

sometimes
nothing makes sense and all you know is that something is wrong but youre not sure what.
you think back on last night, what happened? what went wrong?
did anything go wrong? you wonder. didnt everything go as planned?

sometimes
everything gets confusing and scary
memories of drunken laughter fill your head
suddenly stopped by memories of unwanted kisses

sometimes
you just
dont
know