My Heart's Bleeding

What the fuck is going on in my fucked up head I keep changing from feeling so alive to wanting to be dead. My inner demons are constantly begging to be fed. Causing me to fill up with both anticipation and dread. Fantasizing about the people I hate being pumped full of led. Every fucking day that goes by and i'm not "high" aka medicated I dream about being lit on fire and my remains being completely evaporated. Back when I was doing meth I was looking forward to meeting death. Why? Because meth allowed me to be high along with the chance that I would overdose and die. I still can't figure out what the fuck i'm gonna do with my life my heart's bleeding like i've been stabbed with a kitchen knife.