Lighten Up

I had a good laugh today
Because I remembered that
The 'long haul' only means
'Forever'
When it is said
After
The diagnosis of a terminal illness
When you don't believe in miracles.
Boy, did that life lesson suck.
It sucked like that time
Last week
When every single dollar I had was stolen.
I still haven't had the energy to rage yet.
It's just reassuring to know I have a legitimate reason
To justify my lack of faith in humanity.
I try to rationalize when life happens
But generally I'm already well prepared to not care.
My temper has been fairly level lately,
That's why I know I'm not okay.
Google's psych tests tell me to seek
Immediate attention,
But I just think I'm a little sad
With an overdose of carefree.
I stopped counting after eight deaths
And started taking more baths
And less showers.
Some days you need two,
Some days just require one,
But the only wet thing I've had
On me lately has been brandy on my tongue.
And I do mean on my tongue, I like the flavor.
I stopped shaving not because
I can't get tail
But because my self-esteem
Has stunk worse than low tide.
I call it my sex-stall instead of sex drive.
Yeah, I dont laugh at the bad puns anymore, either.