deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Criminal's Game
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
But think twice before you do,
I'll strip you and brutally fuck you, even if you don't want to.
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
Open the door and let me in, you silly fool,
You are foolish, and now I'll take your possessions and all your jewels!
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
Get in my van little kid,
Messing with me, your surely going to be dead.
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
You are so stupid and have no clue
I am a criminal, and your my next victim, too..
Get ready, little kid...
Because I will have no mercy...
I will slaughter you,
And leave you to rot...
This game could give you fortune and fame,
But think twice before you do,
I'll strip you and brutally fuck you, even if you don't want to.
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
Open the door and let me in, you silly fool,
You are foolish, and now I'll take your possessions and all your jewels!
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
Get in my van little kid,
Messing with me, your surely going to be dead.
Hello there child, want to play a game?
This game could give you fortune and fame,
You are so stupid and have no clue
I am a criminal, and your my next victim, too..
Get ready, little kid...
Because I will have no mercy...
I will slaughter you,
And leave you to rot...
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likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 853
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 3:06pm
I like the way you repeated "Hello there child, want to play a game?" Brilliant line.
1
Re: The Criminal's Game
Thank you. I just like how that sounded .... Maybe from Jigsaw or something lol you know, the " I wanna play a game " xD
Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 5:52pm
I really like the way the first stanzas proceed in a sing-song, luring manner. Then the killer truth emerges in the last. A really clever design to a disturbing theme. Well done, Speedy!
1
re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:03pm
re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:08pm
I agree with crow there I hadent picked up on it to heavily until it was points out :D
Nice technique :D
Nice technique :D
0
Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:11pm
Ohh its quite haunting, I think Stanza 1 would have to be my favourite... I get the images of manic clowns and drawn out circus music when I read this... Simply amazing!!!
It also starts of with a nursery rhyme feel to it - chilling!
It also starts of with a nursery rhyme feel to it - chilling!
0
re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:17pm
Thank you! I was trying to make it sound like a forbidden nursery rhyme, or a lost song. A creepy one too
re: re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:28pm
re: re: re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 6:29pm
Thank you! I was hoping to scare the reader! If you like my poems, read more! I could always use some advice, though.
re: re: re: re: Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 7:46pm
Absalutly - I wouldn't mind honest critique on mine either if you can find the time :D
I followed u on so I'm definatly gonna be reading more :D
I followed u on so I'm definatly gonna be reading more :D
0
Re: The Criminal's Game
9th Mar 2015 8:52pm
re: Re: The Criminal's Game
10th Mar 2015 2:28pm
Re: The Criminal's Game
10th Mar 2015 2:39pm
Very dark indeed. A frightening little read, this mind endowed with a terrifying evil. Sharp write, Speedy.
0
re: Re: The Criminal's Game
10th Mar 2015 2:49pm