< mighty water >

"He who smelt cheekiness, dealt cheekiness."  

intriguing, I really like the breath of the spacing. The image also serves to compliment the poem with great effect

yes, thanks, always trying to get the damn things to breath.

and "the hook"... i really and truly try not to be so literal,
but, jeez, when you come across a hook this beautiful,
whatcha gonna do?

this poem. Yes, cheeky!

    
   "The cheeky one knows he is cheeky."    
   "The nosy one knows she is nosy."    
   "A bad person knows he is bad."    
Well, maybe on this one, I'll have to concede a point of two.

Why "birded", Raybo?
It's a defiant word selection that succeeds to bring much dramatic impact - but for some reason I'm drawn to the idea of the unexpected and unwelcome dropping in the poet's eye from a great height.
Perhaps that was your intention?

Best ~ Abra

oh, nooo...  
i was thinking of  
"seabirds dotting the skies"  
but yes, unfortunately, it can be interpreted as  
"seabirds dotting our eyes"  
(and our tea's, and, occasionally, our Oscillation Overthrusters).  
 
but what am I to do?  
"surfed"? "wave-ed"? "shell-ed"? sea-weeded?  
"portuguese man-of-war-ed"? "stinking dead smelted"?  
 
help me out here.  
 

It's your poem, Raybo - it would be unfair of me to tinker. I'd only wind up climbing a mountain, so use whatever gives you the most thrill, but be careful, Kitty, the space for that word is in a sensitive spot.

yes sensitive indeed...

"kitty"?
you're the kitty-cat, i'm the frog.

Well, you're the first frog I've seen with black fur and cute little eyes. It's just as my familiar spake:  
"....the swamp gapes emptily at the moon now Raybo's frog is dead and his deluded followers have scattered to the remotest corners of Texas.  
There are those who blamed his froggy demise on a peyote overdose, while some say living with a harem full of randy dobermans illegally imported from Canada finally drove him to his doom.  
Perhaps the real story will never emerge, but we do know that during his last mindless wanderings the one legged jumper croaked secret instructions regarding the disposal of his remains, which were spirited away at dead of night and shipped back to Egypt for an elaborate mummification process involving copious chocolate and feather baths.  
An assortment of carefully selected hand embroidered lingerie and a specially designed croaking vibrator were buried with him in readiness for the afterlife.  
For fear of violation and to prevent any resurgence of the Knickerbocker Pond Cult, to this day the exact location of his tomb has never been disclosed."  
Please, Raybo - no more relapses - try praying for closure.  
I prefer 'arriving'or 'flying' instead of 'birded' - but what do I know?

'arriving' or 'flying' instead of 'birded'
seems reasonable, but what do i know — peyote overdose and all...

it was the wave dropping things off to the shore, and thought of the sea being 'birded' like, seagulls swimming...
i vote 'surfed', as long as you're tossing voting opportunities about the place.

"it was the wave dropping things off to the shore, and thought of the sea being 'birded' like, seagulls swimming.."

like your comment poem.

but ok, one vote for "surfed".  
(but seeing as how it's you, i'll make it two.)

Again you convey a world of meaning through these charmingly simple lines, and in the process you make the craft look easier than tying laces, yet I have to wait sometimes for weeks before I can produce a single useful sentence. I hate you but I love you as well. You talented cunt.

your comments, as always, make my cunt quiver.

Ray, damn you, this is softly well crafted and splendid. I personally like 'birded'. It pulls something bittersweet from my personal backlog of experience. This piece is intimately defined by the malleable nature of long term, soul tied, amalgamation.

The only crit I have to offer is you should capitalize the 'I' in L8.

thanks, and yep, changed it a few times but it  
always ended up back at birded.  
 
i cast the "i" in lower case cause everything else is.  
if it were capitalized it would stick out and call too much  
attention to itself. of course, in not capitalizing it,  
i have succeeded in calling too much attention to it.  
there really IS no exit. :)

Is 'molded' an Americanizm?

;)

S

Not sure about that one, but 'flagism' is.
(IMHO, of course.)

Would that be the end result of an extended bout of flagellation?

Only if you mold yourself in it.