les yeux qui manquent

i can take it all.

the silent glares
from the other side of the room.
white emotion.

her laughter as she talks
of demise,
churning sorrow in my gut.

i can take saying nothing back
and nodding with habit
for my troubles need less
attention.

i can take the way his shoulder stills
like windless nights
and life is a silhouette.

my words always sound different
when they wander out.

i can take the alternate reality
she lives in,
i have spent 18 years in it

the anger
when we disagree.

the conversations that carry on in my mind
because it cannot carry on aloud.

i can take making sense of everybody’s thoughts alone.

i can take every time i am reminded
of the things i forget.

i can take hearing i do not want to take care of my mother.

i can take hearing i do not understand.

i don’t mind lies.
they remind me of what is real.

i am running out of money.
i am ill.
i’m fine.

i can take it all.

but sooner or later,
we have to let things go.

let it in.
let it out.