interitus

We sail on the weapons of our words  
waiting to detonate the space between us  
in a collision of fury and lust and loathing  
the reasons adrenalized  
by the self-destruction we seek  
 
I like to imagine you as a video game villain
heartless and without mercy
while I’m praying for a forfeit in this war
we’ve waged against ourselves
but we’re not wired that way
our hit points don’t end ones and zeros
and restarts  
when the game is over
my words hurting you more than
your lips will show
 
No self-imposed discipline
of wordless isolation  
ever saved us  
from the wounds we carved  
into each other’s skins  
indelible memories for another time
and place where sorry isn’t hollow  
and meaningless and misplaced  
 
You’ve always had the knack  
of illuminating the devil in me  
and without you I am nothing  
I am no one  
I am a ghost of sin that could be  
and I chase you like a glorious death  
for the ages  
the apocalyptic iris in your eyes
a calling card to my destruction  
that I crave with the conviction of a junkie  
looking for heaven in a fix  
as I wait to die  
 
© Indie Adams 2015