DAD

staring inside
the box
I see
a grey haired old man
staring back at me

you stared that stare a thousand times
the look of a poet who had no rhymes
you has so much anger, so much hate
which you took out on me at an alarming rate
strangely your hands always seemed enormous to me
big enough to beat a child but unwilling to set him free
if love equaled kicking and beating black and blue
you showed your love for me every day anew
what had I done to make you do the evil you did
why did you not allow me just to be a kid

I still cannot understand your desire to abuse
the alcohol was never a good enough excuse
from birth to teens I felt nothing but hate
and daily I cursed you and my ominous fate
most nights the tears I couldn't keep
my trembling kept me away from sleep
you never paid the price not even in kind
for the terror you implanted in this kid's mind
my body by  you was regularly broken
your death to me is only a token
a token payment to the debt you owe to me
it's only now your dead that I am able to see
I was right to hate you I'm right to hate you still
I hope where you are now you’re made to pay your bill
by a big man with big hands and no feeling of guilt
torturing you enough to teach you to wilt
to make you scream, to make you cry
this will help my memories fade and die
the fact is I'm glad your dead
there’s a warm fuzzy feeling inside my head

I looked inside
the box again
and heard your excuse for men being men
I cried over you for the first time in years
I let go my hatred and childhood fears
for the first time in my life I felt at peace,
and hoped the nightmares would now decrease
your death will mean my life enhanced
your demise will give me another chance
today is the start of a brand new day
the child that never was
finally gets out to play