period 5: technology 103

*poem starts at :45 seconds*
 
sometimes I allow myself to steal a glance at you when you're working, but not for too long because every time I see that beauty mark on your collar bone or your smile that hides so much I am reminded of how I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.  
we were so young and stupid, if I could go back in time I'd take it all back dear. these men,  
these men mean nothing to me.  
they are just surrogates for you.  
because you want him, he wants you and I want you,  
I am the remainder in this division. I thought I could handle it but this pain seems to multiply every time I see you looking into his eyes like you used look at mine
I am crushed
the cold weather burns my lungs and seems to only remind me of what could of been, these memories are on replay in my head, they tell me that I'm dwelling and that I should just move on but I don't move on cause I can't move on there's no moving on once you've paid off your mortgage.  
I saw the future in your soul, it was bright and beautiful.
I invested my heart in you but you rejected my loan  
all this I try to avoid and push to the back of my mind but there's no escaping you.  
and to be honest I don't know what I would do if I couldn't see you,  
even if the only thing that we share anymore is our names on an attendance, seats at a desk, words on an essay,  
they cannot teach a person how to stop loving,  
there is no lesson on how to handle heartbreak,  
the curriculum did not prepare me for the silence of loneliness at 3 am when all I want is you in my queen bed, my skin as your blanket, your chest as my pillow, my breath becoming yours, us as one.
but I cannot pass your test
I don't not fit the requirements to be taught how to love you they way you want. teach me. I am your student. I will study your every word and movement, I know them off by heart.
I know
I know you
I know you better than him
i've been procrastinating my actions, these words are long overdue
it may not show but I know
I failed.