wondering

Musta been  
The musta been  
Piercing me into some sort of  
Oceanic current of disloyal sentiment.    
I like a wave being moved but    
Ultimately    
Always  
unheld.  
Unknown...  
   
Me and poetry alone  
A dangerous temptuous throne  
I've been hiding from, avoiding for quite some time.  
   
No man can serve 2 masters.  
Loaded words no one can deny.
Yet the old blurry is returning  
And I'm teetering on the edge of stumbling  
Not a thing in this world can seduce me like you can.
 
The secrets  
My secrets  
are calling me to presence  
And I am here  
Facing demons tonight.  
   
It started innocently of course  
(Ha)
In the light of a fine day.  
Caught off guard by the mood  
Welcomed in and nearly introduced to my child as an old friend.  

She standing in her crib fighting her own battles of a nap  
Between cries watching me, curiously  
And suspiciously, Wise one full aware already

There  was  something about me very different than she had ever seen before
And she studied me closely.  

And I wonder if  
My daughter    
Will ever know  
Or understand

The truth about her mother.