deepundergroundpoetry.com
From The Floor Of The Rust Belt
The city broods
between relentless steel
in the shadow and haze.
It uproots every tree ,every plant, every blade of grass.
The canvass stretches
till pigments rip apart
at the seems.
It loosens the rivets
holding together train tracks and highways
finely rusted for character-
Becomes clogged, overcrowded in the cracks,
the color spectrum spreads in all directions.
What could have been has simply ceased.
The not so average become [/i]very average[/i]
on the never ending ride to the bottom
of the rust belt.
Inside the lull and function it chooses
critics carefully, a cult-of-personality carefully.
The masterpiece is always the engine,
the hand of brilliance always poisoned.
The city despairs on its own merit.
It suffers objectively.
between relentless steel
in the shadow and haze.
It uproots every tree ,every plant, every blade of grass.
The canvass stretches
till pigments rip apart
at the seems.
It loosens the rivets
holding together train tracks and highways
finely rusted for character-
Becomes clogged, overcrowded in the cracks,
the color spectrum spreads in all directions.
What could have been has simply ceased.
The not so average become [/i]very average[/i]
on the never ending ride to the bottom
of the rust belt.
Inside the lull and function it chooses
critics carefully, a cult-of-personality carefully.
The masterpiece is always the engine,
the hand of brilliance always poisoned.
The city despairs on its own merit.
It suffers objectively.
Published 30th Dec 2014
| Edited 1st Jan 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
30th Dec 2014 7:02pm
What I want to do with this poem is turn it upside down to create the illusion of a skyline,
Im having a hard time with the formatting so ill keep it like this for now. Any suggestions?
Im having a hard time with the formatting so ill keep it like this for now. Any suggestions?
2nd Jan 2015 1:47am
For starters, I really like this poem. :)
To help create an illusion of a skyline, maybe add words like silhouette, or clouds, even if they aren't in relation to a sky line. Eg, clouds of rust, a city within a city, sky of metal and glass rising into oblivion. That kind of thing.
Hope that helps.
To help create an illusion of a skyline, maybe add words like silhouette, or clouds, even if they aren't in relation to a sky line. Eg, clouds of rust, a city within a city, sky of metal and glass rising into oblivion. That kind of thing.
Hope that helps.
2nd Jan 2015 6:27pm
I faintly recognize the methodology of this abstract poetry, if at all am right at coining 'methodology' when it comes to unstructured poetry. By that, I more so point toward the inspiring base or idea from which de poetry got developed. Juxtaposing an abstract painting or phenomenon (or one objectivity) with a(another) striking reality is what i meant here..if that holds good for this piece, then what i wud suggest identifying that one critical merger between two imageries handled where they are almost in a standstill similitude. Thay would be the median beyond n below which you could play upon reversing the contents, to create the skyline effect.
Donn know if i make sense to you Matt, but from my perception S3l5.." the colour spectrum spreads in all directions" n the succeeding line S4l1,"what cud have been has simply ceased".. These two specific lines seems as a critical merger fr me. all in JMHO. Hope it helps.
Agree with Indie's,perspective too in that it means bringing in more external astracts.
Overall, a fine read in the present form n i look forward to ur efforts fr the said effect
Donn know if i make sense to you Matt, but from my perception S3l5.." the colour spectrum spreads in all directions" n the succeeding line S4l1,"what cud have been has simply ceased".. These two specific lines seems as a critical merger fr me. all in JMHO. Hope it helps.
Agree with Indie's,perspective too in that it means bringing in more external astracts.
Overall, a fine read in the present form n i look forward to ur efforts fr the said effect
2nd Jan 2015 6:28pm
