Today

You left me here
Long ago-
Over a year
Now.

You tore my heart out
And didn't even
Have a good reason why.
Or not that you could tell me.

But that's okay.
You never were good with words.

And you gave me
A gift
That made it all worth it-
You made me see that
I was worth
Love.

We tried to stay friends,
And it might have succeeded,
But for one thing:
You still loved me.

Words on a small shining screen-
A text begging me to come back.
Were they genuine?
Or had you gotten your
Physical fix
That I couldn't provide,
And decided
I was worth your attention again?

I never knew.
But I told you no.
I could never trust you again.

You told me you'd accepted it,
But there was always
Casual mentions,
Casual reminders,
Casual words on a tear-splattered screen.

You should have known I'd feel guilty,
Hero that my heart thinks I am,
For causing you such pain by saying no.

But was it real?
Any of it?
The relationship- yes.
But the postscripts of heartfelt emotion?

I'll never know.

But over time,
It ceased-
Your entreaties
And my pain.
And with those words
Went our friendship.

Oh, we spoke, yes,
But it was tense.
You with sadness, perhaps,
And me with apprehension.

But then there was today.

I saw you there today,
In my place,
My sanctuary,
Surrounded by the books
I knew and loved,
Your arm around
Another woman.

How could you?

How could you
Hold a phone with words
Of your love for me
In one hand
And another woman
In the other?

We smiled,
Exchanged polite greetings,
Little jokes,
And went our seperate ways.

But there was that tension,
Thick in the air.

I felt angry
And betrayed-
I never asked for this!
I never asked to move on
And find another love
And have my old one
Stare me in the face.

I let my anger overwhelm me
As I grabbed a book
And left.

But if I'm so angry...

Why did I pray for you to
Look up
And see me?

And why are there
Tears on my face?