Lasts of Nights

I lay here motionless against time.
Thoughts intrude my fearsome mind.
The desire to feel victimed continues fight.
But the fault is mine alone...

I stand still like a hunter.
Stalking the immediate future with thought.
Weary of the beast who dwells around the corner.
Confrontation reserved the time.

Nervousness floods my inner core.
The hourglass seems to be donating it's sand.
How much longer until the safety folds?
When will the sickness take it's hold?

Now with my peace compromised...
And no obvious way to undermine...
I find myself rethinking my choice...
I ponder ways to quiet the voice...

Security net has many holes...
Morning up next I'm in it's holds...
So much easier to cop a dose...
But if I do, am I just a ghost?