Oxymoron

I am currently living in an oxymoron
Where being alone at any time is completely terrifying
And the presence of people is excruciating
And being silent causes me emotional stress
Yet verbalizing my thoughts makes me weak
Earning compliments throws me in a state of a depressing uncertainty
Yet insults seem to haunt and humiliate me
Comfort is what I yearn for,
Yet no one can do it properly which causes me dissatisfaction
My standards remain incredibly low
With the most extreme expectations
I acknowledge the emotions my mind will allow me
Knowing that is only a masked emotion of the painful truth
This is a constant conflict that drags me back and forth
I am screaming, begging for some consistency within my mind
Knowing that is something I simply, will never find.