deepundergroundpoetry.com
jazz and regret
she sat alone in the dimly lit room, a goblet of dark wine
and a smoking tiparillo in a pearl shell on her table.
perched on her head, at a seductive angle, was a beret,
of all things. I don’t see many of those in the clubs, but
it fit here in this jazz lounge.
the hot/cool trumpet of Miles Davis desensitized the air,
gave me the background I needed to approach. ‘wanna
dance?’ or ‘can I buy you a drink?’ wouldn’t work with her,
but I had a line that got results before. I’d cast it out again
and see if I could reel in this starfish.
“you’re Gallic beauty reminds me of my starving artist days
in Paris. let’s reminisce together.” she stared at me for a
moment, sizing me up, I guess, and said “you don’t look like
an absolute idiot, so sit down and I will fill you in. first, update
you repertoire. what you’re using now is pitiful. next, learn to
recognize the meanness in a woman’s demeanor, and protect
your throat.” she paused to finish her wine. “finally, and I’m trying
to say this gently, you don’t have the equipment I’m looking for.”
she inhaled the baby cigar once and put it out.
“Sheila stood me up again, that bitch.”
I watched her as she vamped toward the exit, her un-subtle
posterior moving the breeze like it’s never been moved before.
“hey,” I yelled, as she was walking out, “I have an ex-wife who
would love to lick away your tears…”
Published 20th Nov 2014
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likes 18
reading list entries 1
comments 15
reads 1323
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The author encourages honest critique.
20th Nov 2014 1:00am
Love the poem
love the art work
love the Jazz I am now hearing in my head
:-)
love the art work
love the Jazz I am now hearing in my head
:-)
20th Nov 2014 5:23am
20th Nov 2014 8:10am
great write john, this is what real talent is.
really enjoyed every line of this piece.
you're the modern day shakespeare .
really enjoyed every line of this piece.
you're the modern day shakespeare .
20th Nov 2014 8:31am
20th Nov 2014 9:15am
Perhaps you should think yourself lucky if that was a clear depiction of a RL encounter... dear JF ! O.o
Your talent is evident, in terms of how you orchestrate a scene, and engage the reader to ponder the scenarios forthcoming in your written material. Pure genius.
Well done !
Your talent is evident, in terms of how you orchestrate a scene, and engage the reader to ponder the scenarios forthcoming in your written material. Pure genius.
Well done !
20th Nov 2014 11:18am
The theatrical settings you bring on in your poetry..with well defined theme n characters n exchange of dialogues..n all the more, the underlying intentions.these could be felt in all ur scribes, but this one esp. loved the ambience you brought real, the arrogance in her, his vainful tries, his punches and vent. Tq JF for the read:)
Anonymous
20th Nov 2014 12:51pm
you had me hooked by Miles Davis...I love the way you tell a story. I have always admired the film noir feel to the voice. I'd like a novel from you, please
make it a screenplay and give me a film in fact... ;-) write on
make it a screenplay and give me a film in fact... ;-) write on
20th Nov 2014 2:08pm
Oh Mr Feddeler i would love to spend one day inside of ur head. I can only imagine the wonderful worlds i would see sir. Loved the touch of humor n this piece darlin
20th Nov 2014 3:30pm
John you set up such a romantic scene the atmosphere puts you front and center for her slam down but you had me laughing with your retort.. great inking with love Crim
20th Nov 2014 6:40pm
Superb lead up to the "punch" line at the end!! Gotta find the humor in such a situation that's all you can do! Made me smile at the very least 😊
21st Nov 2014 7:36am
21st Nov 2014 10:11am
loved this JF... a classic....am sitting here smiling...a great write.... :)
21st Nov 2014 4:42pm
haha, that's rich. I adore this one. Shot down in flames, but who knew. This is packed with delicious offerings of enriching entertainment! So, glad I got a chance to slip over here to indulge on it. Thanks you, John!
21st Nov 2014 10:28pm
12th Dec 2014 2:00pm
Great title, terrific details and an awesome last line, John. Works real well as flash fiction too !
