deepundergroundpoetry.com
inertia drive
senses detect millimetres
between rubber and kerb
computer calculates
approach and apex
computer monitors the engine
five-thousand
clutch
four-thousand
clutch
redline
compression-brakes
sends shockwaves thru the chassis
It’s some kinda death wish
if you keep handling me
the way you do
like a weapon
somebody innocent is gonna get hurt
and if you keep on pushing
I’m gonna to give it to you
right between the thighs
I drive you home
condensation
sweats through the windshield
crystal haze smoulders in the taillights
the smell of testosterone and gasoline
burns rich
in the cold night air
I sense it
the way you stare into the lights
butterfly kisses
drying your wings
waiting for me to catch you
whatever the price you’re willing to pay
I ain't worth it, girl
so wipe me from your pedestal eyes
and I’ll turn out the lights
wander off the road
with you on my mind
driving me over the edge
flipping ass over into the drink
whiplash, snapping the neck
hanging from my safety belt
watching the rocky shore
disappear through the glass
and the sound of steel folding
under the weight of the world
the black river
swallows me whole
senses detected me losing traction
between the flames and my baby girl
I calculated the trauma
purring too fast for her little heart
I monitored the pain on her face
I’m sorry
clutch
I’m leaving
clutch
redline
breaks
shockwaves
Published 8th Nov 2014
| Edited 29th Aug 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 17
reading list entries 8
comments 19
reads 1745
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
this has an aggressiveness and fire in the tempo, flow and content i haven't really seen from you b4 man.but still has your well structured symetry with open and closing..it seems the whole thing has got a foot on the gas until the last stanza where it has to stop....
well played,good scheme there...
goes fn hard...
good stuff alex............................
well played,good scheme there...
goes fn hard...
good stuff alex............................
JR if you're giving me the FN hard blessing, then I've done something right. I had an absolutely shite week at work and by Friday afternoon, something tipped me right over, so I drove home fast, locked the doors, drank and wrote, trying to capture the anger and emotion for an idea I had for a dark and somber love poem.
I guess if I was trying capture the motive, it would be being driven to destruction.
Thanks heaps, man, for your great feedback and for adding it to your reading list.
I guess if I was trying capture the motive, it would be being driven to destruction.
Thanks heaps, man, for your great feedback and for adding it to your reading list.
8th Nov 2014 4:57am
I love the recklessness that runs through this piece, entangled with all the other underlying emotions. I have a soft spot for self destructive poetry and the pace and depth of this definitely hits the mark.
Jeez Indie, when I saw that you added this poem to your reading list and then read your comment I was so stoked. It's a real honour getting this kinda feedback from a poet of your calibre... I'm just worried that the Bukowski experiment went too well in order to write this poem of self destruction. Cheers.
8th Nov 2014 11:27am
burning to the point of no return - phenomenal pacing and control about the phenomenon of loss of control - great write Case
10th Nov 2014 4:06pm
Phenomenal response I'm getting for this write from the poets I have much admiration and respect. Thank you, whale for your great observation and comment.
9th Nov 2014 12:04pm
the swedish word "lagom" is what comes to mind when trying to articulate what you've done here. the relentless pace is exhilarating, breathtaking and well... lagom.
Yekaterina, thank you for your beautiful comment and for adding this poem to your list. I believe I channeled a dark spirit to conjure these words and in your words, lagom is the perfect way to describe the feeling I got when piecing this story together. When I typed the last few words I knew it was over, finished, complete.
[thinking about it now, it's kinda weird how this whole writing process started, before I even wrote down a word.]
[thinking about it now, it's kinda weird how this whole writing process started, before I even wrote down a word.]
9th Nov 2014 10:42pm
This brings to mind my "Blowing It All Away" poem, tis a driving poem. :)
Great piece Alexander. Love the journey and different emotions it evokes.
Great piece Alexander. Love the journey and different emotions it evokes.
Reckless joyride meets road to destruction is where I think these driving poems merge. [I'm pretty sure I was in NYC when you posted that poem... I'll have to track down another driving poem of yours that I recall a similar discussion of our muse, wheels and the road] :)
Mags, I'm really stoked you added my poem to your reading list and thank you for your great feedback.
Mags, I'm really stoked you added my poem to your reading list and thank you for your great feedback.
12th Nov 2014 3:03pm
Pure situational poem with emotional plights in varifold dimensions..loved the mix of mechanics n emotions driving in many a factor..vulnerabilty, desires, warning n self warning, control or out of control, evasion etc etc..cant say wat others you have packed in.. But could perfectly get the underlying feel.
Adoring ur hardcore poetical bits spread in between or may be all across..esp. Drying ur wings, black river swallows me whole...
A very worthy read in dup for mysrlf after long long time (aww, discounting the fact of a lazy reader in me) tq a ton!:)
Adoring ur hardcore poetical bits spread in between or may be all across..esp. Drying ur wings, black river swallows me whole...
A very worthy read in dup for mysrlf after long long time (aww, discounting the fact of a lazy reader in me) tq a ton!:)
25th Nov 2014 12:56pm
Uma, thank you for your awesome comments and for adding the poem to your reading list. I had a very clear picture in my mind how I wanted to blend the computer senses with human senses and give an overwhelming vibe of losing control, which I'm stoked came across so strongly with the readers. Once the idea was laid down, the final stanza just seemed to fall into place.
[If you're a lazy reader than I hate to think what category I fall under... I believe I have a poem of yours in my reading list that needs a revisit]
[If you're a lazy reader than I hate to think what category I fall under... I believe I have a poem of yours in my reading list that needs a revisit]
Anonymous
16th Nov 2014 9:05pm
<< post removed >>
25th Nov 2014 1:13pm
I'm stoked you enjoyed the lines, Gabriel. I think the poem was being written in my head the past month and it all came together on that night I hit the JD... I kinda deliberately put the pressure on myself to write something decent, after announcing I was seriously drinking and seriously writing. Cheers for dropping by and commenting, Gabriel.
28th Aug 2017 3:25am
Stunning presentation, Case! I hadn't read this before now so an grateful you added a video.
One thing in the reading that made me go, "Ahhhhh!" was the omition of "so" in "I’m so sorry". I feel like there could've been SO ( no pun intended ) much emphasis on that tiny word. . .and there's such a difference in "I'm sorry" and "I'm so sorry".
Again, excellent read; I thoroughly enjoyed it!
One thing in the reading that made me go, "Ahhhhh!" was the omition of "so" in "I’m so sorry". I feel like there could've been SO ( no pun intended ) much emphasis on that tiny word. . .and there's such a difference in "I'm sorry" and "I'm so sorry".
Again, excellent read; I thoroughly enjoyed it!
You're right, "I'm so sorry" sounds so much more tender than simply saying "I'm sorry". That's why it was left out of the reading. The protagonist is cold blooded and calculated, just like the computer in the opening stanza, except unlike the computer, the protagonist could not correct his errors, and so his actions were executed with the precision of a machine.
The editing never ends, and sometimes it takes a reading to expose more necessary changes. :)
Thanks heaps! I'm totally stoked you enjoyed the video and the read, and appreciate the open discussion of the omitted "so" and "so".
The editing never ends, and sometimes it takes a reading to expose more necessary changes. :)
Thanks heaps! I'm totally stoked you enjoyed the video and the read, and appreciate the open discussion of the omitted "so" and "so".
So ( ha! ) take it out of the poem then! ( JK. I saw you did but couldn't resist! )
28th Aug 2017 4:41am
Trust justified or misguided? A wonderful examination impulses that can be found in us all.
Trust offers an interesting perspective into the poem, one that could open much deeper and darker interpretations.
I think predominately the trust we have in ourselves to make sound decisions when life is getting on top of us, is probably the greatest deception onto ourselves at the detriment of those who trust in us. We often trust our ability to reason like we trust the computers in our cars to take a corner at high speed... but we forget that logic and driving have another thing in common, there's often an idiot at the wheel.
Thanks heaps Jazz for dropping by and leaving such a thoughtful comment.
I think predominately the trust we have in ourselves to make sound decisions when life is getting on top of us, is probably the greatest deception onto ourselves at the detriment of those who trust in us. We often trust our ability to reason like we trust the computers in our cars to take a corner at high speed... but we forget that logic and driving have another thing in common, there's often an idiot at the wheel.
Thanks heaps Jazz for dropping by and leaving such a thoughtful comment.
