empty hands living

anchored off a perfect snapshot beach
boats around me worth more than my entire life at the grind
most covered in women young enough
and naked enough
to be illegal
while I took my engine exhaust apart for the third time
elbows deep in burnt-diesel sludge
eyes burning on the fumes
stomach sick from the rocking and rolling

I didn't belong there
no question
but it was the closest beach to run to
when the heat alarm sang that warning song
so fuck 'em

all day I kept working
swore
chasing deeper in to the engine

smoked the odd cigarrete
with black hands
black fingers
black heart

I wished I was on those other boats
and a man never does that;
envy is weak shit

but felt it

late in the day
bloke on the closest boat
all 10 million bucks of it
decides to launch his dinghy
and take his women for a ride

he unties
then can't get it started
drifts toward me
and the rocks
starts yelling for someone to help him

I stop my work
throw him a line
he looks at my hands
figures me handy
asks me if I can get his boat going
I step aboard
turn the ignition on
start the bitch
he shows no embarrasment
guns it back to pick up his girls

I went back to my engine
smiling like I won something
then wiped it off my face
cos I didn't