deepundergroundpoetry.com
Back Then
Remember when I pinned you against the wall and we hid behind closed doors
Remember when we made love the first time in your tent
Back Then
Remember that night when you busted your head open fucking me
Do you remember the blood running down your face and over your chin
the blood dripping on my chest and you smearing it with your hands
Remember when I took your hand and licked that blood from your finger tips
Do you remember
We became one Back Then
Inseparable
Unstoppable
Conformed
Back Then
Do you remember
Or has it been too long
I remember
I wish it were still Back Then
Remember when we made love the first time in your tent
Back Then
Remember that night when you busted your head open fucking me
Do you remember the blood running down your face and over your chin
the blood dripping on my chest and you smearing it with your hands
Remember when I took your hand and licked that blood from your finger tips
Do you remember
We became one Back Then
Inseparable
Unstoppable
Conformed
Back Then
Do you remember
Or has it been too long
I remember
I wish it were still Back Then
Published 14th Apr 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
10th Aug 2011 9:52am
situation is refreshing and i enjoyed the read... but a couple of things i would change though, if i may... the word 'Conformed', though i know what you mean, it doesn't seem to fit because it could be taken as being conformed to each other or conformed to anything else. the connotations of the word just don't sit right...maybe thesaurusize it?
and i think if the last line were taken off altogether the poem would lose nothing by it. infact, i think it would gain a little more credibility. only my humble opinions of course. keep on. [:
and i think if the last line were taken off altogether the poem would lose nothing by it. infact, i think it would gain a little more credibility. only my humble opinions of course. keep on. [:
