I have no reason to lie

I'm not a liar
and for anyone to even think that I would lie about being raped..
it really hurts..

Anyone who is such a jackass to hear a rape story
and then naturally believe it wasn't true
is someone I would like to punch,
and if it wasn't me they weren't believing
I would have.

I never wanted my story to get out,
I didn't want anyone else to get hurt.
But now that it has, I'm not going to deny it..
I'm not a liar, and I don't want the attention.
So i just try to avoid mentioning it...

More often than not
I lie to protect others,
and if I'm lucky they'll protect me back.
If I wanted a lie as to why I wasn't "virgin tight"
(to the next guy I cared about)
I would have just said I use sex toys and masturbate often
(which isn't even a lie since I do own a vibrator and masturbate alot)...
why in god's name would I ever want anyone to think I was raped if it wasn't the truth?
Besides- guys prefer virgin girls, not rape victims/broken girls with anxiety and depression they're dealing with..
If it were a lie, it wouldn't benefit me or anyone really...

The protective lie he and I did tell was that we were both still virgins (after the sexual abuse).
I didn't want people to think he was a horrible person/rapist,
and he didn't want anyone to think I was a whore because
I wasn't a virgin.
I didn't like having to lie about it for so long - I remember he and I were both two of the most honest people you would ever meet.
But I was okay because I could protect him and it protected my family in a way too...
when I was still a child and I told my dad about how my cousin molested me.. He looked upset... I never wanted my parents to make my parents cry over me.. I never wanted to see anyone in my family upset over me... I never want to see that facial expression on my dad's face again.
It's natural for a family to want to protect one another,
so I wanted to protect them...


(to be continued)