at war with myself

Success in my line of sight daring me to dream,failure at the forefront of my reality and easier to obtain it may seem strange BT not to me trying to figure out what a good father should be,what lessons to learn what lessons to teach,for their was never a father for me...
At war with myself at war with myself
Am I loved or someone my family just tolerates?
If my existence was non existent would I be more preferable that way?w/o me there's no black sheep no family shame my joy defined by a lack of tragedy so actually I guess I've never really lived happily
At war with myself at war with myself
While I'm at war with everyone else accepting their  betrayels while rejecting their help it seems the truth cost while the lies are fee BT I really hate it when they lie to me no battle could ever be complete w/o something or someone defined as the enemy
At war with myself. At war with myself
Feeling contrite and all alone searching for that difinitive purpose and the place were I belong will their ever be more to this life for me will I ever find that purpose that solidifies my right to be
At war with myself. At war with myself