deepundergroundpoetry.com
Daring Cliffs
I could live in a poem,
starlit verses tumbling,
landing gem side up.
I write it, this poem,
and the Tuesday world
cannot compete.
Where I am, there are only the daring cliffs
and the cries
that cling to the skirt shadows
that I left behind
on the page.
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likes 12
reading list entries 3
comments 13
reads 1059
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Daring Cliffs
22nd Aug 2014 9:40pm
I could survive the rest of my life with a mini bar and a bag of blue pens... A satisfying Friday afternoon read has been had.
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re: Re: Daring Cliffs
23rd Aug 2014 7:10am
Re: Daring Cliffs
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2014 10:04pm
Youse a topper queen muzz ataki!
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re: Re: Daring Cliffs
23rd Aug 2014 7:12am
Hat trick! That's three poems you stamped with approval this week...
Many thanks, Roach, appreciate it.
Many thanks, Roach, appreciate it.
Re: Daring Cliffs
23rd Aug 2014 3:05am
some piece of us resides in each poem. 'I'm here, I'm here, find me!' it shouts...
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re: Re: Daring Cliffs
23rd Aug 2014 7:14am
Only the keenest eye sees those pieces. I have a feeling about your cleverness, Feddeler. Don't betray any discoveries, now...
:)
:)
Re: Daring Cliffs
23rd Aug 2014 8:48am
Nice write, nice idea... Like especially the first stanza :
"I could live in a poem,
starlit verses tumbling,
landing gem side up."
And the last one, also...
Oh, in fact, I like all the poem!
"I could live in a poem,
starlit verses tumbling,
landing gem side up."
And the last one, also...
Oh, in fact, I like all the poem!
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re: Re: Daring Cliffs
24th Aug 2014 11:20am
Re: Daring Cliffs
24th Aug 2014 10:59am
re: Re: Daring Cliffs
24th Aug 2014 11:22am
Re: Daring Cliffs
26th Aug 2014 4:01pm
Totally agree with Malin about the beautifully written first stanza.
For my eye and flow I would tweak the format of the third stanza to:
Where I am,
there are only the daring
cliffs and the cries that cling
to the skirt shadows
I left behind
on the page.
Just my opinion, Atakti. The piece works very well as is stands.
For my eye and flow I would tweak the format of the third stanza to:
Where I am,
there are only the daring
cliffs and the cries that cling
to the skirt shadows
I left behind
on the page.
Just my opinion, Atakti. The piece works very well as is stands.
0
Re: Daring Cliffs
29th Aug 2014 4:39pm
Re: Daring Cliffs
2nd Sep 2014 3:06am
I love the phrase "Tuesday world", because it subtly and perfectly conveys maudlin mundanity, in contrast with the sunlit faery world of poetry.
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