Trying to be Numb

Trying to be Numb

Every day since you have been gone
My heart aches and scream for you to
Come back in my live but you never
answer When it calls I put everything
with you It kills me inside that you
are around Her walking talking
breathing the same As her it makes
me sick that I can’t sleep, eat, Think,
or anything without you there in my
Mind that I can’t shut off because
I still love you Damn it fucking
kills me you don’t see that you
Are hurting every day or that
wish not to see it Or like I am
not there to you or anyone like
I am A ghost to this fucking world
that I don’t matter To you or
anyone or anything anymore or I
am just a Sex toy or provider
for everyone but for myself
I can’t take it anymore I feel
like I am just good as dead
To you and everyone else I try
to look away even though It is
so hard to not to look in your
direction because You are everywhere
I go or always something reminds
And remains with me always
about you Hey baby why Are we
talking now did I do something
to you? I did I am very sorry
I hope everything is alright
with you I Wish I could see
you right now that you and me
get the Fuck out of this place
goes through my mind all the time
That my head is not screwed on
right because if Miss and love
you so much that I am just going
crazy Without you in my life to
talk, to laugh, to tell stories, to
Love, to hold one another close to
each other hearts, And simply to
be a couple for each other sake
the same Questions keeps repeating
“What I am here for anymore? Why do
I deserve this much pain? How can
I get rid? Of it no matter what’s
the cost? How I can move on? When
My heart won’t let me because it
has lost all feeling of love That
it cry out for all the time since
you been gone from My life. Its
feel like the love we had doesn’t
make a difference Because we are
not together anymore that the
inside of me Is black and cold
but you saw past that and found
I am loveable That we had
something now it’s gone maybe
forever this time Because you
and I don’t see eye to eye
anymore it’s tearing Me apart
seeing you every day happy
even though I am stuck In the
dark alone once again because
no one takes the time To
understand me or tell me I am
full of lies that I useless that
I am nothing and I have no life
worth living for. I am my own
World destruction because they
only see the monster inside
Not the love that’s there if
they look for it. Like you
said no one loves You I don’t
love you no one would care if
you died tonight That even
killed me even more inside
that can’t even hold my tears
Anymore because the pain and
the suffering is unbearable now
I am crying to make you see
what you are doing to me hurts
With every scar that has been
caused by you my family, friends,
And enemies. You were the last
person that you would do this to
me But I got my hopes and dreams
up for nothing because for a while
I thought I found my soul mate, my
long life lover, best friend, my husband,
But I much more wrong I can get.
It seems like you never care about
The way I did with you I can't take
it anymore it's time for to wash
the pain with this bottle press
against my lips and you can't
stop me because you don't care
about me anymore to erase the
memories I have saved for us
it doesn't matter now there gone