Maladapted

im pretty positive im kicked out of my family tree too,
just a little too wierd to 'keep with the johnsons'
this is an excellent poem,
and i loved it, even if my tired eyes ached on the organization of the words (too tired to think -or- read xD)

....you can take this as a comment from someone who doesn't 'get' this kind of writing, where the writer feels as if they are almost being deliberately unclear...

These lines feel unfinished, or like they are either not needed or require further explanation;

All you people are cold fingers constricting social strangle
Just to wind up slipping in mire of this weirdness
A creeper made aware in reflection
A reach of closeness makes Andrea shudder for solstice
Another misfit without a car to drive

You share, with writers like LA, a gift for looking at things from very unusual angles, and this is a powerful gift. It does mean, though, that you have to take extra care to ensure that the reader is coming along for the ride when you are making leaps...otherwise it begins to feel like the writers private joke, or worse...

....having a reader you trust would be a good start, because the frowns of confusion, as you watch them read a piece, are all-telling...

thanks for the read, I always am stoked when you stop by


This is rather an obscure piece about a very specific event laced with other hidden issues on my mind. I guess I just threw the puzzle pieces into the river with hopes that the reader would draw their own image of something I am not at all intending.

Sometimes the reader will make an observation that blows my mind other times the reader is just left looking at a scattered mess

subtle yet powrerful

sometimes the purpose of art is to take you to  places the mind is not designed to go
 
just got to have a taste for the virtues of surrealism and an open third eye  
 
many prefer to be led safely in a garden of comfortable understanding

I love this one DY it is surreal and beautifully poignant at the same time..I can connect with the bailed out family tree and being invisible to the shutters a mere specter..as well as the need to fit in..excellent peace Crim

First my suggested edits: “Spectre” should be spelt like so in L6. The syntax in L7 is all over the place; would it read better like this: “All you people here are cold fingers on the hands of a strangling social triangle”? There should really be a “the” before “mire” in L9. I think a “the” should go before “vision” and an “a” before "respectable guise" in L14, though I’m not sure “vision” is really the right word anyway, as how can one be lost below the vision of their own guise? Would something like “facade” work better?
Now those quibbles are out of the way, I can start praising this wonderful piece. Mysterious and sad, filled with surreal violence gliding alongside a certain haunted quality, as the narrator moves behind the scenes, never quite in control of himself and bitter about how the people in the photograph conceal their flaws beneath vacant expressions. The picture therefore juxtaposes beautifully against your work, making this piece even more sinister. A cold wind sweeps over the reader as he reads this piece, especially towards the end.

“The burning leaf
Of the uprooted bailed out family tree”

The perfect closer, which sounds almost like a haiku or senryu when removed from context.

thanks for the well thought out review really appreciate it

Facade is a good idea may have to steal your suggestion :)

I really like you did with L7. "Social strangle". Great phrase.

Lost below vision of respectable facade

The image I was trying to create was that the people look down on me so much they do not even see me

I need to refine this to get that image across