Diamonds and Fists

This took me to a little cantina just outside a diamond mine ... the protagonist is eyeing his next victim - the new waitress who's taken an immediate liking to him ... their relationship - explosive.

Cool hard write - vivid and tension filled.

When I started writing this I had Oscar Pistorius in mind for the protagonist, but then I changed my mind. I decided to leave the story open by not describing or revealing the gender of the character or characters, to allow the reader to fill in the gaps and decide who they thought was the real victim.
 
I like your idea of the protagonist eyeing his next victim... The new waitress. Thanks for reading and commenting, brotha.

There are alot of ways this could be interpreted. The poem starts with the speaker as the victim, and about half-way through it changes around completely. I think you should make that point in the poem much bolder. It might make it even more up to interpretation than it already is

Matt, you really got me thinking about making the transition bolder, then I remembered the line "I should have known it was a full moon..." I'll build on this and come up with another stanza... soon. Something else is holding my creativity at the moment. Thanks for the great observation and feedback.

Gabriel, it's great to see you. I'm stoked you liked the lines. Thanks heaps for reading and for commenting.

crazy imagery! love it.

Mi imagery crazy??? Good! Crazy is good. Diamonds and fists was a strange idea to start with, I'm just glad I took it to the next level of mentalness. Thanks heaps, Ms Saba, for reading and commenting. :)

Wow!!!...  What a knock-out poem man!  You really nailed & Aced 'it' here, through simply opening your receptivity to your inner muse & going with the flow of it's spontaneous stream of powerfully lucid, psychologically dynamic, verbally & visually, descriptive imagery!...  It reads & unfolds & feels like a really tightly compressed, semi-explosive combination of some excerpted scene from an intensely engrossing movie, full of hard-edged, true to life, domestic violence in some complicated, falling apart at the seams, spit, blood, love/hate & loathing, beyond done-for relationship in the middle of it's most recent & most likely final (possibly near fatal!?!) mutually dysfunctional, implosion, which hit my mind & senses as I read it, like a sudden, slow motion car wreck (which I felt as if I too was caught up in the midst of!!!) & which captures & carries within it's unstoppable detonation, throughout every word in every line, the intensely toxic energy & impression of the end of something which can never be repaired nor resolved, that one can easily imagine, makes the famous, profoundly toxic scenes from the classic (E. Taylor & R. Burton) movie, 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf', almost pale in comparison!!!...  But in this case with your razor-sharp piece here, the language of all those highly volatile & intriguingly intense emotions, blowing up in the lucid scenario you so believably paint out, which fly like the hundreds of pieces of shattered mirror, glass shards, in slow motion purge throughout every corner of my voyeuristic reader's mind, nonetheless reads in such an organic, abrupt & staccato, yet fluid way, that it almost makes it feel & sound (or at least, it seems easy for me to imagine)as if I'm hearing the cool, idiosyncratic jazz of Miles Davis'
legendary trumpet, screeching & moaning & clawing away as the background soundtrack to your word's, moment to moment, brief yet most effective, vicarious, nightmare descent into yet another, broken relationship HELL!!!...  Or at least that's what all (the impressions) it brought up & triggered in me from relative memories of one or two of my own, most unfortunate & similarly twisted, explosively dysfunctional, end-times scenarios & toxic experiences in a couple of early doomed relationships, from my now ("Thank God!!!") very distant past!...  Nonetheless, a truly Dynamite & deeply immersive, cathartic write & an equally kick-ass little read  Alexander!!!...

- OIN        

Wow, OIN! That's a kick-ass comment. Virginia Wolf, "almost pales in comparison...?" I'm stoked and blown away by your awesome comment. You're a legend!

You create intense imagery.....still digesting it...

I've been told my poetry gives people indigestion. Thank you Kate for your cool comment.

Excellent imagery throughout this piece Alexander, like watching it play out while reading... I loved to hate someone once, it was toxic, which I didn't realise until I moved onto indifference.  It depleted me.

Great work. :)

Sorry, Mags. Just doing some housekeeping and saw that I missed your comment somehow.

I had a clear image in my head of the scene when I wrote this dark piece. It felt like I was watching a movie when I wrote it.

Thanks heaps for your great comment and for sharing your thoughts.

Great work..

Thanks man.