Journey #1 " Dangerous waters"

Week 4 another reboot after my insecurity has yet expose itself again.    
   
It seem she has or is about to give up on our relationship(she admitted  that   she feel out of love for me?).I can 't seem to grasp    
   
the words such as separation ,space and time out.I have so many questions and little answers    
   
which have become a burden to me in everyday life,I want to let go and just start over but its unsettling that    
   
my whole premise is to get to the bottom of this situation.I seem to place myself lately as a  detective with no cause    
   
because i know already the results but yet not satisfied with answers?I don't  know any more what i am looking for.I make    
   
things worst by digging deeper and deeper into her private space(but do you give a fuck about fixing the relationship or is this a sick way    
   
I can cope with this shit)I personally cant say but  I know one thing I have  stronger feelings towards my Wife which I cant explain.    
   
I just wish it was simple or just the way it was at time with the same hunger for her attention, seems the tables have turn she became me I became her,don't get me wrong I love the fact some times i feel theirs no hope it's becoming a challenge which I always like    
   
to be challenged.I just usually have the upper hand which I don't ,so what can i do but wait it out and lie to myself that    
   
things are going to get better!I really have to much on my mind,tend to over think the simple things in life.I will be really tested this    
   
week coming up(holidays)I really haven't shine for  sometime (must remember to have a academy award winning attitude)I Hope to    
   
get out of this funk because it just not healthily at all!I have so much to say to her face but tend to melt and get all warm    
   
inside it sucks that she has that much power over me!I must be the bad boy she desire but that would  turn her off ( how does someone do that? I only know how to be a cold bad ass?)well  I guess if i still want this marriage to work I better do better and fast!!!!!!!!


Love...over..betrayal.."obligations?"...11/11/11