deepundergroundpoetry.com
Eyes on the grass
Here is disclosed my petty discontentment
in light, scattered metaphor whilst I stare at the damned
exquisite detail in lush, soft greenery[grass]
that would take but a tip-toe on the lily-pads
across the moat to reach, after
demolishing a series of bars, and walls adorned
with cruel, clear, shining windows I've erected
piece by excruciating piece between me and experience
through ignorance
and passivity where ignorance
wasn't even a viable excuse.
Well
one might pity ignorance
but passivity is kin
to cowardice.
in light, scattered metaphor whilst I stare at the damned
exquisite detail in lush, soft greenery[grass]
that would take but a tip-toe on the lily-pads
across the moat to reach, after
demolishing a series of bars, and walls adorned
with cruel, clear, shining windows I've erected
piece by excruciating piece between me and experience
through ignorance
and passivity where ignorance
wasn't even a viable excuse.
Well
one might pity ignorance
but passivity is kin
to cowardice.
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likes 11
reading list entries 2
comments 22
reads 1098
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
.
16th Mar 2011 11:23pm
Well. Now that I know what this is about, I like it, particularly the final two couplets. I also like how the second stanza's diction (lush, soft, tiptoe) really causes the third stanza (demolishing, cruel, excruciating) to hit harder.
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re: .
17th Mar 2011 00:57am
hah, thank you, Mike. i know it was pretty sideways so i appreciate you making the effort to understand it. and to be honest i didn't even realize i contrasted the stanzas' sensations like that! thanks again. [:
Comment
Anonymous
- Edited 17th Mar 2011 11:46am
17th Mar 2011 11:12am
I don't know what this poem is literally about, but I understand the feeling described, which is always the mark of a great poem. Like Emily Dickinson. Your heart aches when you read her even if you don't know what the fuck she's talking about.
As usual this is constructed with the elegance of an Asian dollhouse, with winding syntax and exquisite rhythms that twist and turn down dark alleyways until we reach the knockout couplet.
One for my reading list methinks.
As usual this is constructed with the elegance of an Asian dollhouse, with winding syntax and exquisite rhythms that twist and turn down dark alleyways until we reach the knockout couplet.
One for my reading list methinks.
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
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re: Comment
17th Mar 2011 11:25am
*gasp - astounding compliments! excuse me, i'll just throw in a "YESSS", air punch n' all. [:
LA
17th Mar 2011 11:20am
Ahhhh! J got cryptic on our arses! Hehe. This has instantly made my day.
'piece by excruciating piece between me and experience
through ignorance
and passivity where ignorance
wasn't even a viable excuse.'
Beauty doesn't have to be obvious - you just proved it. Awesomes!
'piece by excruciating piece between me and experience
through ignorance
and passivity where ignorance
wasn't even a viable excuse.'
Beauty doesn't have to be obvious - you just proved it. Awesomes!
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re: LA
i think...you've just made *my* day! the queen of perfected crypticism just gave me props...letting that soak in. thank you. [:
Ironic...
17th Mar 2011 12:36pm
If a poet[ess] can not succeed in passing the whole poem to his/her, [s]he should try to ensure that they go home with bits and pieces of it.
I think Jestalessa has successfully broken down the poem in the last four line for people like me to take home. And I appreciate that.
It is a worthy poem by any standard.
I think Jestalessa has successfully broken down the poem in the last four line for people like me to take home. And I appreciate that.
It is a worthy poem by any standard.
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re: Ironic...
17th Mar 2011 3:56pm
ah, thank you, Divine. it's really me trying not to be too cliché about "the grass is greener"... i don't just get to hop a fence, i have to go to more extremes to get there because of my own created situation. glad you got the end though, that's what matters. thanks for reading. [:
Ah...
20th Mar 2011 9:19pm
...okay. I read this a number of times, and couldn't wrap my head about it. Now that I've seen what you wrote about the "grass is greener" metaphor, and read it again, things click. Not that they had to, specifically~as I said, there was something that kept drawing me back to this anyway. Reading with new eyes, there's so much I love about it, especially the third stanza, and on down. Last two lines really drive it home!
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re: Ah...
20th Mar 2011 11:10pm
thank youuu! i'm glad it clicked after the explanation, maybe i'll drop an "author's note" at the bottom. thanks so much for your feedback, Lauren, it's invaluable. [:
Wow
re: Wow
7th Apr 2012 7:18pm
cows
10th Apr 2012 2:42am
I think this is about cows and how long it took you to realize that eating them is cruel and even after realizing it, you continued to eat them. You could not stop and to this day you cry a little every time somebody says "pass the steak sauce please"
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re: cows
10th Apr 2012 8:25am
Re: Eyes on the grass
20th Nov 2012 2:35am
wow
wheres the decoder?
last time i had to eat 6 boxes of marshmallow
mateys to get one!
wheres the decoder?
last time i had to eat 6 boxes of marshmallow
mateys to get one!
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re: Re: Eyes on the grass
20th Nov 2012 8:59am
hah! well, i totally understand the sentiment. was hiding behind walls of metaphor at the time, and it's good for me to look at again, if nothing else, to measure how far (or not) i've come from there. thanks for stopping by. [:
Anonymous
- Edited 7th Sep 2022 7:45pm
18th Jul 2022 5:13pm
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