If only

If Only I Could Turn Back Time
Try to scream or hit,
knowing I can't because you're stronger than me.
But still I struggled,
crying, screaming inside and out,
because you're taking something away from me,
something precious, something special that only can be taken once!
You made me a whore, at the tender age of three
Deciding whether or not to tell anyone,
because I felt as if it were all my fault.
Asking myself,
"Did I give you all the wrong impressions?" kissing daddy, even though I hated you so. was this my punishment.
You knew if somebody found out about it,
I'll feel embarrassed and ashamed
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep,
because all I can see is your face.
I feel weighed down,
because your heavy body is on top of me.
In the end, I try to to forget about it all.
But then, I remember that I'm all by myself,
and no one can help me, 8,long long years
of sheer hell,but the sentence never ends.
life imprisonment of the mind with no parole.
I think to myself,
"Is he doing this to anyone else?
Is someone going through the same pain,
and suffering that I am?"
Then I blame myself again,
because I could have done something about it. but I was a child
I know I have to face this pain,
because no one else can do it for me,
and I know I'll carry this memory with me forever.
Thinking, 'If only I could turn back time.'
That's all I can do, think, wish,
and dream about jumping in a time machine,
and just go back.
So I could kill him in his tracks.
a child I was, his child, how could he.
Instead a life of
If only,
if only.
But screaming doesn't get me anywhere,
I'll just get smacked or beaten again,
which weapon of choice today father dear, will It be the knife scraped against my skin, or will it be the whip, or your favourite the big old leather belt.
It was just best to let you do whatever,
and get it over with..
But I found myself screaming and struggling anyways.
The minutes seeming like hours,
feeling your body crushing my
small, naked body,
using me for your sick pleasures.
It's hard to hold back tears and sobs,
especially when the pain gets worse,
and worse. .
I'm afraid to close my eyes to sleep,
I see you smiling and chuckling, the neigbors never knew, what a monster you were
at what you accomplished.
I was living in a nightmare I couldn't escape.
to this day the nightmare is still so real,
what did I ever do to be born into the house of hell.
one day I will have my revenge. one day that will never come.
to dance on the grave, of the devil that was my home.
a dream come true.
nearly 50 and your still here father dear father,
Its true what they say god only takes the good.