Yours - Trilogy of Senryu

This is totally outstanding.
It gripped me as I read it and pulled me way in.
Almost as if you are showing us a deeper love ?

Thanks a lot, Speak. I very much appreciate your opinion and am humbled by your kind words.
I'm not showing a deeper love. I'm just writing about the capitulation to carnal desires. No more, no less.

Pretty clever three parts n a whole
In one! Reads well separately, reads much  better (for me)
as one entire piece...:)

Dear Poet! Babe ... *smile* :-). It is meant to be an entire piece. I think each of the stanzas could work on their own but they'd lack substance somehow. You are so right with what they read better as an entire piece. I appreciate your thoughts very much. Coming soon to your work, love to read you!

"the beast with two backs"

Yes ... exactly! You're insightful, Hashman! Glad you like it!

:)

Rusty taste of blood and salt ... Love! Love! Love! ... Drips of exhaustive painful pleasure

... sexy ink.

Thank you so much, LSP! Your words humble me and I appreciate your opinion very much!

Favourite line:

Buff body blankets my back,
Suffocating weight.

Can visualise a couple in the position described, song lines 'Lean on me when you're not strong' comes to mind.

I'm very glad that you're able to relate music to my poem and visualize the lovers' position :-). Thank you, Solomon!

It speaks to me
of power and violence
as much as of
desire, but hey, I'm a
wimp..:(

Had to look up 'wimp'. Thanks for the new word and your much appreciated comment :-)! It's not so much about violence, but power and surrender. Furthermore, nobody who isn't interested in that form of lovemaking should call himself a wimp. Why? Tastes differ and that's a good thing.

The alliteration at the start of the piece reminds  me of a tongue twister!

The last line brings to me a question; what else needs to be done to convey such possession?

Thanks for your opinion, JAZZ, which I appreciate a lot, as always!

Could you please rephrase your question? I'm not quite sure I got it right and do not want to write nonsense :-). Or was it even meant rhetorically?

"Afterwards we lie  
Knotted in sweat and fatigue  
I need to be yours"

denotes that after the exchange and contact there is still something else to be done. "I need to be yours" is present tense. So despite ""Afterwards we lie  
Knotted in sweat and fatigue", there is still something else to be reached or obtained.

Ah! Okay. I should have inserted a comma, perhaps, after 'afterwards's.  
Afterwards, we lie
...
...
 
Does this make more sense to you?  
 
I think the Japanese poetry form authorizes you to read each line on it's sown, sometimes barely connected but for the underlying theme. Or perhaps I've only expressed myself poorly.

Sweet write Miss Chi!!!
Love the read!!
Hope your vacation went Great!!


Sir Lancelott

Thanks, Lance! My vacation went absolutely perfect! I love Namibia! Thanks to you for the great comment! Was it really a sweet write :-)? Hehe ...

Excellent write! Senryu is one of my favorite poetry forms.  You're obviously a master!

val

Really humbled by your lovely comment, val! Thanks a lot for stopping by and reading me!

that's intense sexual action, Chi, almost as strenuous as a boxing match. great performance...

Nice to see you on my site, John! I appreciate your kind words and your valuable opinion a lot! Thank you!

Beautifully written as always Dear Iris..Passion followed by emotion… LOVE !! ox

Dear JeJe! Good to hear from you! Hope you're fine! Thanks for you kind words, I very much appreciate them!

Hahaha! I've just changed 'fists' into 'fingers'. It sounded too violent somehow, I didn't intend to convey that. So ... thanks for pointing that out, Gabriel! Appreciate it!

💋 Ha!

I won't call it exactly a Freudian slip but I changed the original lines in the process of creating this poem. At first there were only 'your fists in my hair'. That's why. BUT! I have to change it again since its a senryu and the line needs only 5 syllables. 'Fingers' is not possible. Those Japanese shorties drive me crazy. But I love them!

💋 You're so sweet, although I meant haiku in general. Thanks, dear Gabriel! Perpaps you might come up with an alternative idea for 'fists' ... one syllable. I do not like the fisting idea :-(.

Trilogy of the senses!

Thank you, Le Fay, for visiting me and leaving such a nice comment! Hope it appeals for all senses :-).

Great poem! :]

Thank you so much, sweet Sara!