above all else i must not lie to myself

Above all else i must not lie to myself.
If i sin, i should tell myself i have
sinned and have taken a sidestep to
the left towards hell. If i do good, i
should mark it in my mind that i have
earned a small amount of weight to
add to the right scale on my balance.

I must not lie to myself above all else.
If perhaps i find the capacity to
tolerate a spiteful thing i must not
forget to frown inside even when a
smile graces my face. And if
perchance i burst out in anger and
leave myself vulnerable to my
enemies, when i gather myself, i must
not be too ashamed to accept the
bestial person i was.

Above all else, i must not at all cost
tell a single lie to myself. If the truth
of any matter will hurt me to the
point of insanity and the lie of the
matter will caress me into a
beautiful sleep, i must go raving mad,
i must torment myself with the truth.