weakness(short)

a sad piece, but a very
well written one.
nothing need be added...

i thank you Paul S...

Lorry,

you've a nice concept, chain of thought going on here. I feel that your structure is letting the poem down a little, or at least hindering its potential.

If you work on your lines a bit and where you break them, you'll give your readers an easier time of reading you. This would be my suggestion.

I've finally accepted
that I'm weak, so let the tears flow
no more holding back
It's time for the real show

I apologize for the blood that'll fall
and for the sight of disturbing wounds
that wont heal at all

measures were taken
to prevent an act such as this
but that, it seems was just a hopeful wish
for all were overcome
by the weak soul and the sad heart.

try do a spell check while you're writing, it's  handy when you get the hang of it.

all in, for your second poem here you're doing rather well. welcome to this place and keep up the good work

shine on

will definitely take into consideration for future poems...thanks craicdealer(:

Lorry, I indeed felt every pain!!!!Nice!!!

thanks liz(:

Aaaawwwww that weakness isn't what you think...
It's actually just hurt, but you grow stronger n more powerful as the day move on... Keep ur mind positive :)

that was already put in motion..(: keeping positive po-e, thanks.