deepundergroundpoetry.com
NObody
i am a nobody the one of the first fallen angle of the hevan back down to the black never ending shy with a borken the white hole moon as i fall faster and faster down as each wing fades to black and my crown fades to gold and blood drips on my face as the blood touches my hand i notice its my own i ask my self where did it come from i cant find it then i see her shes playing with her garden she puts arose on my chest and asked if i was a angle amd i said if you get involed youll get hurt but she is now the half angle and demon i was so long ago that when i fell i fell to esrth and now my left wing is black and my right wing is white as i am a hallow
Published 20th Feb 2011
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likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
21st Feb 2011 3:51am
Say this was a MASSIVE run on sentence, but there is no sentence at the end nor capitalization at the beginning to make it a run-on, so I'm not sure what to cal it. :/
There are an uncountable number of spelling mistakes, a lack of format, and complete disregard to conventions (capitalization, punctuation, etc.)
However, I did take the time to actually read it (Though it took me like 10 minutes) and the content is surprisingly good. But, most people would take one look at this and be disinterested because of the effort that it takes to read it.
In my opinion, you should spellcheck it, format it, add in punctuation and capitalization appropriately, and it might just turn out to be a brilliant poem.
(You can edit this by pressing "EDIT" at the top right corner of the page)
-Cori
There are an uncountable number of spelling mistakes, a lack of format, and complete disregard to conventions (capitalization, punctuation, etc.)
However, I did take the time to actually read it (Though it took me like 10 minutes) and the content is surprisingly good. But, most people would take one look at this and be disinterested because of the effort that it takes to read it.
In my opinion, you should spellcheck it, format it, add in punctuation and capitalization appropriately, and it might just turn out to be a brilliant poem.
(You can edit this by pressing "EDIT" at the top right corner of the page)
-Cori
22nd Feb 2011 11:37pm
1st Mar 2011 8:41pm
I enjoyed this piece. my left handed brain can process stream of conscience poetry and I enjoyed drinking the words in their descent
If you don't care why publish at all? aglitch is right a great poem but hard work to read. You could make it easier for your audience with just a little more effort.
You deserve to be read more widely because you obviously have a great flow of poetic thought.
Blessings
You deserve to be read more widely because you obviously have a great flow of poetic thought.
Blessings
