I Love You.

Even though we're far apart, and what we had is now the past... I still love you more than the world.
When I was more than broken and lost in hell, you pulled me away from the pain. You made it possible for me to trust again. You made the scars seem like they were nothing. Every word you said had a meaning. My head wouldn't stop spinning. Your voice would make my heart jump out of my chest.
You took a broken heart and sewed it back together. Stitch by stitch, things were getting better. You put me together to like a puzzle, figuring me out slowly. I fell for you. I feel hard. I didn't care if I gotten my heart broken again, because I thought you would never do that to me. On a cold night under the stars, you stole my heart with just one kiss. A kiss that had my head spinning, the world stopped under my feet. And suddenly... I knew what love was. But, with a monster of a Step Father, what was next was screaming.
Then I left. We were further apart. But, we made it work.
For days it was nothing but video calls. I longed for you arms to wrap around me, and say,"Everythings gonna be okay."
But soon... things weren't working. You left.
I felt the stitches in my heart slowly fall apart. For weeks all I felt was the pain of a breaking heart.
I soon became tired of the endless crying. The sobs into my pillow at night. Trying to find ways to hide more cuts out of sight.
My heart began to fall apart. What use to be hanging by threads was completely broken in half. My smiles became fake. My eyes filled with pain. I was hoping someone would see through the act.
But it wasn't just you who was ripping me apart.
The disappointed look in my step fathers eyes. Tore me down. The hurtful words. The aching pain on missing my mother. Not being with my sisters. I could have called to hear my mothers voice... but what was the point. Living with grandparents who cared. But, they didn't understand, so I didn't tell. Having someone who I consider an older brother being far away. There's not much else to say.
Soon, there were monsters in my head. Saying all the words there were to be said. Leaving me to hate myself. Leaving me to hurt myself. I tried my best to fight them off. I felt as if I was going crazy. The sleepless nights full of nightmares. Monsters and demons not even my own Teddy Bear could save me from.
Then you walk back in my life. I pretend that everything is alright.
And even though I know you're not mine. Even though I know someone else is loving you. They'll never love you like I loved you. I tried my absolute best. I used everything that was left of a broken heart. I know it wasn't much, but it was a start.
I still love you more than ever. I'm trying to pull myself together. Because the pains worth it, and I can't forget. I can't forget every conversation we had. I play them over like a broken record in my head. Every I love you that was ever said. Makes me cry myself to sleep over and over again. And even though what we had might not have been much to you, it was everything to me. Every single word I said had it's meaning.
And know you're leaving me to think,"Why? Why wasn't I good enough?" And I know you still care. I know you're always going to be here. But it's not the same when you don't love me back the way you use to. Every tear I cry, I cry for a reason. I can't push away all my feelings for you when they're eating me alive, and I know things will never go back to the way they were. I know I won't let go. But I can't let go, cause I still have hope that some day things will change... they have to change.