deepundergroundpoetry.com
Double senryu 5-7-5 (2014-01-05) - Door to door
Building, many stairs
So different and diverse
To meet all people
Toc, toc, "hello, I'm..."
Door to door, visit people
A smile and short talk
Published 5th Jan 2014
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likes 5
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comments 14
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
5th Jan 2014 7:05am
This is really wonderful Malin...if only those stairs or walls can talk, the things they've seen and heard.
5th Jan 2014 7:53am
Oh yes, if walls had ears, and a mouth, they could talk to us many things! Thank you for your comment, Vee!
5th Jan 2014 8:29am
It is my daily activity up to end of march! But so pleasant to do, really! Thank you, Mia...
5th Jan 2014 11:24am
This is a cute senryu, malin!
I was thinking that what I really like about your poems is your use of English, it is "cute", perhaps a pidgin. I think that is quite special, an exciting way of writing poetry.
I was thinking that what I really like about your poems is your use of English, it is "cute", perhaps a pidgin. I think that is quite special, an exciting way of writing poetry.
5th Jan 2014 11:42am
Probably because I am french and my english is not really correct, or simplist? I don't know exactly! Thank you for your comment, absinthe!
5th Jan 2014 11:52am
Oh I wouldn't say that it is not correct English, anyway English itself is a bastard language! :) But it is hard to describe, and I wish you continue writing that way, it is a distinct style. I will have to read your older poems to see how the style is evolving!
5th Jan 2014 11:56am
Interesting feedback, sure! If you can do that, because I am sure my style has evolving since this summer!
6th Jan 2014 12:23pm
Malin, I think I understand a little bit now.
So, I don't think it is necessary to write in "proper English" because the voice of the poem is indeed a Frenchman speaking to me in English, like this poem of yours, Souvenir at Airport http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/131527-souvenir-at-airport/
Personally, I think that your English writing style fit very well the Japanese poetic form, because Japanese language does not have articles ("the", "a", "an") and has a structure of subject-object-verb, which is also true of French but not English.
By the way, I found another poet who also has a very distinctive writing style in English, as she is from Germany, see her at
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poets/utenaka/
But I think she is actually Russian. Russian language is more flexible in structure, like Latin.
So, I don't think it is necessary to write in "proper English" because the voice of the poem is indeed a Frenchman speaking to me in English, like this poem of yours, Souvenir at Airport http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/131527-souvenir-at-airport/
Personally, I think that your English writing style fit very well the Japanese poetic form, because Japanese language does not have articles ("the", "a", "an") and has a structure of subject-object-verb, which is also true of French but not English.
By the way, I found another poet who also has a very distinctive writing style in English, as she is from Germany, see her at
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poets/utenaka/
But I think she is actually Russian. Russian language is more flexible in structure, like Latin.
6th Jan 2014 10:55pm
Hey, absinthe, what a comment! Very nice and rich of informations... Thank you so much!
I like the idea behind your senryu. Walls surround us, protect or shield us. And - sometimes they also imprison us. Thought-provoking, malin.
5th Jan 2014 2:25pm
Thank you so much, Miss Chi, for your comment. Nice feedback about my senryu...
Anonymous
5th Jan 2014 7:50pm
Time to go out and meet and greet, is it? Best of good fortune to you in this...
5th Jan 2014 9:16pm
