wishful ending

 i have to live with these terrors now.
these scars covering my arms like they don't want to disappear.
like they can't because they're too fucking deep!

*sigh*

sometimes i dream. no. i mean i don't sleep.
it's more like daydreaming but at night with my eyes open.
and i feel like i'm decaying.

the past plans to destroy me if i sleep.
so i stay awake watching the moon fall and the sun rise.
it's so soothing to know i'm barely alive!

i long to kill something.
anything i can get my hands on.
but all i have is myself, so i cut away.

again and again i bleed and don't cry.
no self pity, it's the only way to cope.
sad really but who gives a shit!

so again i wake up in hospital alone.
this time the darkness is surrounding me.
it takes hold of me and i'm trapped one more time.

i thought ending my pathetic life would make me happy.
make the so called friends and family happy.
once again i'm wrong!

*sigh*

good bye to no one but my lover.
it was so selfish of me but i had to go.
you deserve better than me.