deepundergroundpoetry.com
Birth Stone
Pop the party pills
And sip on extravagant blood
Nay sayers and cheap thrills
Top the shelves with a hand on their gun
Concurrent dreams bring me home
While indie hipsters sing a tune
I trip over dollar bills
And dream of Astrodome's
Irrelevant children speak slang
And mindless adults cry
Young kids kill their fame
While concrete poetry dies.
And sip on extravagant blood
Nay sayers and cheap thrills
Top the shelves with a hand on their gun
Concurrent dreams bring me home
While indie hipsters sing a tune
I trip over dollar bills
And dream of Astrodome's
Irrelevant children speak slang
And mindless adults cry
Young kids kill their fame
While concrete poetry dies.
Published 30th Dec 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Jan 2014 4:49am
1st Jan 2014 4:56am
Well, to be honest, I think it's good. I don't know what I'd say makes it stand out as especially good, but it's good. Well, it says what it says without being preachy about anything. In the fourth line, you have "with a hand on their gun"--of course, strictly grammatically speaking it should be "with hands on their guns" but maybe that's not the intent here.
Anonymous
1st Jan 2014 5:05am
The idea of "concrete poetry" really struck me for some reason. Great writing!
