The War Inside

There is always a battle being fought out inside me everyday

The war between my Angel and the Devil

Which one will win today?

It's a constant struggle to keep my Angel high and soaring, blocking all the hate and negativity

That devil though is slick, you gotta watch out for him

He finds his way into your mind, into your everyday life

He's good, he will peak through without you even knowing.

Make you doubt yourself,... "Am I pretty enough?" "Am I everything he wants?" "How could anyone love me and only me?" "I'm not enough".....

So many negative thoughts spilling out my pores, it's like he pulled out the VHS tape, taped my eyes shut, used my eyelids as a screen and replayed my past, replayed all the insecurities that were embedded in me just to keep me down

Where is my Angel? Why isn't she assassinating him?

Just when I start to crumble, she shines through. Her plan all along was to make sure I don't forget my past but make me realize I have conquered those fears and I wont let those insecurities get the best of me

She rips the tape off my eyes and lets me see...see me...

I am strong, I am a survivor, she instead shows me how I have beaten the devil myself and I didn't need her to do it for me, just to support me.

I am thankful for every breath of air I get to take, for every hug I receive, for every "I love you", for everyone I can call my friend. Yes, the devil did a good job on me, makes me more skeptical of people, made me a part-time construction worker to build up this thick wall to protect my heart tighter than most.

But you have to realize my heart has been through the high speed blender, ran over, backed up and ran over again. It has been poked, scratched and beaten. My trust in mankind was thrown out the window for the snake in the grass to grab and slither away.

One thing the Devil will NEVER get is my soul. My soul is mine, you can't have it!! I refuse to let anyone bring me down again, to feel like that insecure little girl again.

I do deserve better and I have so much love to give, just have to prescreen everyone before letting them in.